8/31/2004
Election 2004 Day –63
Last night opened the Republican National convention, Kaitlyn Mae, and so far the protesters haven’t done too much damage. Though there were a couple of incidents, one involving a Kerry supporter who knocked a cop off of his motorcycle causing “serious” injuries. None of this happened at the Democratic National convention, whose participants were allowed to enjoy their national quest for unity and harmony unbothered by the unwashed who have no agenda save protestation.
I did watch the festivities, Kaitlyn, and right here I must state that these sorts of things are often boring and also, Grandmother does not much like speeches.
Though speeches are fine things, Kaitlyn, when done right with proper quantities of humor, rumination and subtle shouts for emphasis. Alas, too many politicians don’t have it knocked, including current President George Dubya.
Rudy Guilliani, Kaitlyn, gave just such a speech last night and Grandmother was riveted. See, good and intriguing speeches ARE possible.
Before more detail on the Guilliani, who was mayor of New York during the attacks of 9/11/01 should your history books not mention this, and McCain speeches, allow Grandmother to express her relief that finally, FINALLY I tell you, folks standing under a Republican symbol were saying the words I’ve been praying to hear for the last six months.
John McCain is a Republican Senator from Arizona, Kaitlyn, for clarification and future reference. I don’t much like him and not just because he is a Republican in donkey clothing. The guy has a rotten disposition, is a camera hog, and fancies himself, wrongly, to be the arbiter of compromised settlements. Still, he gave a stirring speech last night, Kaitlyn, I shall give him credit.
Like the little factoid that the so-called “leaders” of the Muslim countries are not leaders at all, but rather thugs, thieves and despots. I’ve often wondered why the President didn’t just come out and say this as the perception of the Muslim world as poor and desperate is one carefully crafted by the Muslim leaders themselves. Which would include Hosni Bubarek of Egypt, Snot kid Assad of Syria, the inbred and imbecilic House of Saud in Saudi Arabia, and the former dictator of Iraq, the fabulous Saddamn Hussein. Then I supposed Presidents and such have to keep the dialogue open with such persons and this fact helped form an air of legitimacy around them that they did not deserve. It was John McCain who said, loudly and clearly, that Yassar Arafat should never have received a Nobel Peace Prize.
Which he shouldn’t have but this is the first time I’ve heard a politico say this even-handed truth. Arafat is a terrorist and thug and damn if I don’t remember the Clintons fawning all over this guy and his wife. In fact, Yassar Arafat was the number one foreign visitor to the Clinton White House.
It’s time Kaitlyn, that our political leaders stop playing games of pretend and state the truth in all its raw glory.
Sure, the Clintons aren’t going to like it and Lord knows Hillary still has all those FBI files and a powerful political action committee. It’s not going to go over well that the Republicans are finally, however softly and gently, uttering the truth about those nitwit regimes in the Mideast that want their oil wealth all to themselves and direct their citizenry that hey, it’s Israel’s fault. Now, yes, it’s America’s fault.
I mean look at Saddam! He jerked the planet around for ten years, even convincing kind soccer moms like myself that there was a need for a kind “oil for food” program. Not one world leader stepped up to the podium, especially not Willie J, and asked Saddam if perhaps he shouldn’t stop building massive palaces for himself and give his citizens medicine and food.
The Sauds, Bubarak,and Arafat were all welcomed to the White House and photographed in arm chair pose with the President. When all the while they were plotting and scheming ways to bring down America because golly, the rest of the world agrees with us so long as we give them some of our corrupt spoils. It’s only pesky America that stands in the way of our world dominance.
Or so I paraphrase these illicit leaders’ thought processes.
I found John McCain’s sudden and sudden denunciation of Arafat’s bogus peace prize so refreshing that it almost took Grandmother’s breath away, Kaitlyn. Sure, we have Rush Limbaugh and the rest of the pundits echoing the sentiment, but it’s about time our elected officials spoke out. This includes the President, Kaitlyn, who is a very nice fellow but by your mother once removed, he’s sat back quiet entirely too long.
Rudy Guilliani didn’t give a ground-breaking speech, which is how I would classify the speech of McCain. He did, however, give an excellent speech, timed and paused exquisitely, punctuated with perfect humor and mellowed by warm musings. If you ever get a chance to read his speech at the 2004 Republican convention, Kaitlyn, do it before you take any speech class. Follow this example, Kaitlyn, and ye shall ace your courses and who knows, use your knowledge for giving speeches when you too might be running for President.
I figure no matter what mistakes you make or temptations you seek, the way you smile with delight at the sound of nearby bird song, hey, already you’ve got a better personality than Hillary. This, at nine months of age!
I see no reason whatsoever why there shouldn’t be a President Kaitlyn Mae Frey so long as Hillary Clinton breathes a breath and is considered fit for that office her mean witchy self.
Plus there is all of Grandmother’s wisdom right here to guide you and Lord knows, should you ask I would certainly run your campaign.
But Grandmother jests, Kaitlyn, just now.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s election 2004 entry, Kaitlyn Mae, for as I document is how we shall learn for our future campaign, insert wink here.
Tuesday
Monday
The 2004 Election Blog Entry 1
8/30/2004
The 2004 Election Blog Entry 1
It has begun, Kaitlyn. I refer to the countdown to 11/2/04 when the fate of our country, and your future I may add, will be decided. Will you be wearing burquas in your future and be stripped of all individuality, pride and courage? Or will you live and thrive in a great America as it has always been? For if John Kerry is elected it will be choice 1. If George W. Bush is elected then you will be able to read this missive. John Kerry, Kaitlyn, does not like any printed words that offend him. If he wins, Grandmother’s tome to you will likely be removed from the conscious world.
Do not forget, Kaitlyn Mae, that as Grandmother writes these daily missives with her wise observations and conclusions of the Great Election of 2004, it gets closer to that 60 day window when folks like myself, independent and with no affiliation with the media or the vaunted 527’s, might be breaking that freedom-loving law-the Campaign Finance Reform Act of 2003. Grandmother will write her entries and will criticize that candidate that she does not like, all of this in violation of that horrible legislation passed to assuage the monumental ego of John McCain and any incumbents who wants re-election more than they desire the preservation of free speech.
Grandmother shall risk her very freedom from the bars of the jail, all so Kaitlyn Mae will always know the truth of this country’s past during Grandmother’s reign of terror.
Okay, it was only the Sunday before the Republican National Convention officially was to begin but there were plenty of signs on the horizon. Some funny. Some not so good.
Let’s begin with Madame Hillary Clinton, Kaitlyn. Who might well be your President when you read this Kaitlyn, God forbid. This woman is a flaming socialistic shrew who will take all of your money and give it to the more deserving. Who would be herself and that sex-maniac husband of hers, William Jefferson Clinton. By the way, Willie J was also out yesterday and that’s the whole intent.
For while Madame Hillary rarely consents to any sort of in-depth interviews, yesterday she was on all the talk shows and yes, she’s as shrewish and as bitchy as ever. No matter what subject that woman is addressing, Kaitlyn, she always mentions Haliburton or Enron. Haliburton, Kaitlyn, in case you won’t know, is the company formerly headed by current Vice-President Dick Cheney. When Dubya announced Cheney as his running mate in 2000 the Democrats howled as if stuck with ten thousand pins over his alleged “conflict of interest” with his former employer. So Mr. Cheney removes himself from any association with the company AND, get this, Kaitlyn, takes out an insurance policy to protect his retirement stock should the company dissolve. In other words, no matter what Haliburton does or does not do, Cheney’s money is protected. The idea was to prevent any government decisions as regards contracts for Haliburton from affecting Cheney’s interest one way or the other. The Democrats demanded he do this and the very honorable Mr. Cheney did.
STILL Madame Hillary, no stranger to the “buzzword” of the day, continues to mention Haliburton in every interview that us dummies out here in la-la land do not miss her implication that Dick Cheney’s former company is suspect and indeed, perhaps even Mr. Cheney himself.
Haliburton must also be part of the recently distributed Democratic talking points as the protesters who marched in front of NY’s Madison Square Garden shouted HALIBURTON as they carried their silly signs and ranted against the President. Yes, Kaitlyn, there is expected to be a whole bunch of disheveled and whacko individuals protesting the Republican convention. Not that the Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have a peaceful convention like the Democrats did but that’s how it is in this day and age. Democrats get free pass to commit any crime imaginable and the Republicans must remain polite.
Grandmother also heard many of the protesters shouting, to my disbelieving ears, “Fox News Has Got to Go”. Fox News, Kaitlyn, is a cable news network known for his conservative leanings. Should there be a President Kerry there will likely be no more Fox News as they sometimes talk bad about him and we know he doesn’t like that. Allow Grandmother to document the cable network’s existence just in case.
I asked myself in the silence of my kitchen that why on earth does Fox News have to go? Sure, their conservative bent is no secret but golly, it isn’t as if the liberals don’t already have
ABCCBSNBCMSNBCCNBC in their pocket. They can’t allow us to have one measly network?
Madame Hillary had one more spin and I heard her repeat it several times. “According to the 9/11 commission (see entry title “The 9/11 Commission Report-A Holy Day “, dated 7/24/04 ), there were six instances of overlooking terrorist activities during the first eight MONTHS of the Bush administration and four instances of same in the eight YEARS of the Clinton administration.”
This is such bologna, Kaitlyn. The Madame never mentioned that the four instances her administration missed were all terrorist ATTACKS. The Bush administration might have missed a memo. But then the Clintons were entirely too busy, what with Bill’s oval office oral ministrations, the theft of the White House furniture and granting pardons to criminals.
The point is, Kaitlyn, the Clintons have no class and have never had any class. While the Democrats held their very sad convention of lies, Republicans did not form massive protests and send Republicans on the air to broadcast lies.
I heard, Kaitlyn, via the Internet grapevine, that John Kerry didn’t even want the Clintons out and about but the head of the DNC, one very honest Terry McAuliffe, sent them out as part of a “truth team”. Neither of those Clintons would know the truth if it came up and smacked them in the face.
Stay tuned, Kaitlyn, and cross your fingers that a)Grandmother doesn’t go to jail for posting her opinions on a public forum and b)there is never a President Kerry mentioned in your history book.
The 2004 Election Blog Entry 1
It has begun, Kaitlyn. I refer to the countdown to 11/2/04 when the fate of our country, and your future I may add, will be decided. Will you be wearing burquas in your future and be stripped of all individuality, pride and courage? Or will you live and thrive in a great America as it has always been? For if John Kerry is elected it will be choice 1. If George W. Bush is elected then you will be able to read this missive. John Kerry, Kaitlyn, does not like any printed words that offend him. If he wins, Grandmother’s tome to you will likely be removed from the conscious world.
Do not forget, Kaitlyn Mae, that as Grandmother writes these daily missives with her wise observations and conclusions of the Great Election of 2004, it gets closer to that 60 day window when folks like myself, independent and with no affiliation with the media or the vaunted 527’s, might be breaking that freedom-loving law-the Campaign Finance Reform Act of 2003. Grandmother will write her entries and will criticize that candidate that she does not like, all of this in violation of that horrible legislation passed to assuage the monumental ego of John McCain and any incumbents who wants re-election more than they desire the preservation of free speech.
Grandmother shall risk her very freedom from the bars of the jail, all so Kaitlyn Mae will always know the truth of this country’s past during Grandmother’s reign of terror.
Okay, it was only the Sunday before the Republican National Convention officially was to begin but there were plenty of signs on the horizon. Some funny. Some not so good.
Let’s begin with Madame Hillary Clinton, Kaitlyn. Who might well be your President when you read this Kaitlyn, God forbid. This woman is a flaming socialistic shrew who will take all of your money and give it to the more deserving. Who would be herself and that sex-maniac husband of hers, William Jefferson Clinton. By the way, Willie J was also out yesterday and that’s the whole intent.
For while Madame Hillary rarely consents to any sort of in-depth interviews, yesterday she was on all the talk shows and yes, she’s as shrewish and as bitchy as ever. No matter what subject that woman is addressing, Kaitlyn, she always mentions Haliburton or Enron. Haliburton, Kaitlyn, in case you won’t know, is the company formerly headed by current Vice-President Dick Cheney. When Dubya announced Cheney as his running mate in 2000 the Democrats howled as if stuck with ten thousand pins over his alleged “conflict of interest” with his former employer. So Mr. Cheney removes himself from any association with the company AND, get this, Kaitlyn, takes out an insurance policy to protect his retirement stock should the company dissolve. In other words, no matter what Haliburton does or does not do, Cheney’s money is protected. The idea was to prevent any government decisions as regards contracts for Haliburton from affecting Cheney’s interest one way or the other. The Democrats demanded he do this and the very honorable Mr. Cheney did.
STILL Madame Hillary, no stranger to the “buzzword” of the day, continues to mention Haliburton in every interview that us dummies out here in la-la land do not miss her implication that Dick Cheney’s former company is suspect and indeed, perhaps even Mr. Cheney himself.
Haliburton must also be part of the recently distributed Democratic talking points as the protesters who marched in front of NY’s Madison Square Garden shouted HALIBURTON as they carried their silly signs and ranted against the President. Yes, Kaitlyn, there is expected to be a whole bunch of disheveled and whacko individuals protesting the Republican convention. Not that the Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have a peaceful convention like the Democrats did but that’s how it is in this day and age. Democrats get free pass to commit any crime imaginable and the Republicans must remain polite.
Grandmother also heard many of the protesters shouting, to my disbelieving ears, “Fox News Has Got to Go”. Fox News, Kaitlyn, is a cable news network known for his conservative leanings. Should there be a President Kerry there will likely be no more Fox News as they sometimes talk bad about him and we know he doesn’t like that. Allow Grandmother to document the cable network’s existence just in case.
I asked myself in the silence of my kitchen that why on earth does Fox News have to go? Sure, their conservative bent is no secret but golly, it isn’t as if the liberals don’t already have
ABCCBSNBCMSNBCCNBC in their pocket. They can’t allow us to have one measly network?
Madame Hillary had one more spin and I heard her repeat it several times. “According to the 9/11 commission (see entry title “The 9/11 Commission Report-A Holy Day “, dated 7/24/04 ), there were six instances of overlooking terrorist activities during the first eight MONTHS of the Bush administration and four instances of same in the eight YEARS of the Clinton administration.”
This is such bologna, Kaitlyn. The Madame never mentioned that the four instances her administration missed were all terrorist ATTACKS. The Bush administration might have missed a memo. But then the Clintons were entirely too busy, what with Bill’s oval office oral ministrations, the theft of the White House furniture and granting pardons to criminals.
The point is, Kaitlyn, the Clintons have no class and have never had any class. While the Democrats held their very sad convention of lies, Republicans did not form massive protests and send Republicans on the air to broadcast lies.
I heard, Kaitlyn, via the Internet grapevine, that John Kerry didn’t even want the Clintons out and about but the head of the DNC, one very honest Terry McAuliffe, sent them out as part of a “truth team”. Neither of those Clintons would know the truth if it came up and smacked them in the face.
Stay tuned, Kaitlyn, and cross your fingers that a)Grandmother doesn’t go to jail for posting her opinions on a public forum and b)there is never a President Kerry mentioned in your history book.
More Tried and True Recipes
8/10/2004
More Recipe Critiques
Way I plan it, Kaitlyn Mae, you shall compile a fine collection of grandmother’s recipes as listed and critiqued in this book, and shall invite your beloved mother once removed to break bread with you quite often. On those occasions you will prepare entire meals crafted from the recipes I’ve tried, tested and passed on to you.
At least that is my plan, Kaitlyn, but the result remains unknown.
Below are five recipes I’ve tried recently, all culled from various Internet or cooking magazine sources. I picked them from the thousands to actually prepare based on no other criteria than my own preferences. Some were successes, some not.
+++++++++
Championship Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter, softened (no substitutes)
1/2 cup shortening
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup toasted pecans
1 pkg (12 oz) semisweet chocolate chip cookies ***
*** I will sometimes substitute the semisweet chocolate chips for milk chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 F. In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. In a mixer bowl, cream butter, shortening, and the sugars until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs and the vanilla. Beat in dry ingredients just until combined. Fold in the chocolate chips and the pecans. Drop by heaping teaspoonfuls onto 2 ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 1 minute, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Yield: about 6 dozen
------
Rating: Out of a possible 5-4.5
Comments: Actually this recipe should probably be rated 5 based on the fine combination of ingredients and end result. I’m being a bit tough with this because of the vaunted name. When I see “championship” I’m expecting, well, championship. I expect a cookie that is way better than just a very good chocolate chip cookie, which they all are. If this makes any sense.
This recipe will deliver a very good chocolate chip cookie. For “Championship” status the recipe requires a certain more “oomph” that I cannot define.
+++++++++
Barbecued spare ribs
6 pounds pork spareribs, cut into serving-size pieces
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 celery ribs, finely chopped
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup water
1 cup ketchup
3 tablespoons worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon spicy mustard
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
In a large skillet, brown ribs in batches in oil. Place ribs, bone side down, on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Meanwhile, in a skillet, saute onion and celery in butter until tender. Add the remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 10-12 minutes or until slightly thickened.
Drain ribs; brush with some of the sauce. Bake, uncovered, 1 hours longer or until the meat is tender, brushing frequently with remaining sauce. YIELD-6 servings
--------
Rating: out of a possible 5-5.
Okay, Kaitlyn, this is a pretty good recipe and when you prepare it for grandmother add some piping hot cornbread and a nice salad and I shall be a happy guy.
Understanding, naturally, that these spare ribs are NOT prepared on any sort of grill, which I am sure violates spare ribs’ rules across this great land.
Kaitlyn, grandmother has a grill that once a week she may hand husband a plate of steaks and tell him to have at it. Beyond that, such as smokers and deep-fried turkeys are not something grandmother would attempt. YOU, Kaitlyn, may try these things and invite grandmother over for critique.
So a spare rib recipe that uses an oven with a result that is quite good, is a valuable addition to grandmother’s cooking database. These ribs will never be mistaken for the slow-cooked, smoky ribs with a pink center served in the BBQ joints across the country. On the basis of where these ribs are coming from, I rate them a 5.
+++++++++
Sour Cream Biscuits
4 cups biscuit/baking mix
1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
1 cup lemon-lime soda
ORANGE-HONEY BUTTER
½ cup butter, softened
1/3 cup honey
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
Place the biscuit mix in a large bowl. Combine the sour cream and lemon-lime soda; stir into biscuit mix just until combined. Turn onto a floured surface; knead 4-5 times. Roll to ½ in. thickness; cut with a 2-1/2-in. biscuit cutter. Place on greased baking sheets. Bake at 400 deg. For 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.
In a small mixing bowl, beat the butter, honey and orange peel until fluffy. Serve with biscuits. YIELD: 1-1/2 dozen.
--------------------
Rating out of a possible 5-2.
Kaitlyn, grandmother was simply beside herself when she made these biscuits. Because the kitchen resembled an out-of-control dough factory with flour all over the counters and gooey dough on every handle in the surround.
When I first saw the recipe I thought, hey, a couple of ingredients, a recipe that could be memorized easily and prepared with but a snap of the brain bank to become, who knows, a family treasure cherished through the years.
I must wonder if ANYONE ever tested this recipe. Because the dough came out so darn wet that grandmother could do nothing with it. The proportions, Kaitlyn, of the liquid to the dry has to be out of whack.
Grandmother did, Kaitlyn, add some more bisquick to the mix but by the time I got the dough to some sort of reasonable consistency I lost count of how much flour I had to add. Seemed at the time to be a couple of cups but I was exasperated.
When I finally got the dough to resemble dough enough to be rolled out and cut into circular biscuits I was cursing the gods. Flour was everywhere and even with all the flour I kept adding to the dough the biscuits rounds still were soft, limp and difficult to maneuver.
The result wasn’t too bad. It was edible. Grandmother finally gave up trying to cut the dough into rounds and just scraped up piles of wet dough and plopped them onto the baking sheet. These turned out to be the best of the lot as the dough rounds were flat and lame.
At a future date, Kaitlyn, grandmother will adjust this recipe to the correct proportions, try it out and present it anew with a hope and dream.
If you hear nothing further about the matter, assume I never bothered.
++++++++++++
Chicken Pie
a.. prepared pastry for two-crust pie, homemade or package
b.. 6 tablespoons butter
c.. 6 tablespoons flour
d.. 1/2 teaspoon salt
e.. 1/8 teaspoon pepper
f.. 1 3/4 cups chicken broth
g.. 2/3 cup half-and-half
h.. 3 cups chopped, cooked chicken
Prepare pastry; divide in two portions, about two-thirds in one portion and one-third in other. Roll out the larger portion and line a shallow 1 1/2-quart baking dish (about 10x6). Melt butter in a medium saucepan; add flour and seasonings and stir until smooth and bubbly. Add liquids and cook slowly until thickened; add chicken. Pour into pastry-lined pan. Roll out remaining pastry; cover chicken mixture; pinch edges together. Bake at 425° for 35 minutes, or until pastry is nicely browned.
Chicken pie serves 6.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
--------
Rating out of a possible 5-2.5
Husband did not like this dish, Kaitlyn, and for that the recipe has failed grandmother on a major level.
The recipe gets a rating above zero only because were grandmother’s expectations not so high the dish would likely be quite satisfactory for feeding children and such. Grandmother, Kaitlyn, was seeking the quintessential chicken pot pie type of a affair that would suit Billy’s standards, which are, as always, very unreasonable.
Husband likes those little frozen chicken pot pies, Kaitlyn, the kind that are put in the oven solidly frozen and baked to a crisp, homey and meaty result.
Well I don’t agree with that notion either, Kaitlyn, but as you will someday learn, husbands have a whole different way of looking at the world than wives.
Only Billy does not like those little frozen affairs if they have any vegetables within the crust. But of course, Kaitlyn, arguments will be made that is what a chicken pot pie is: chicken, gravy, and some vegetables with a double pie crust.
The above recipe sure seemed to fit the bill and in fact I was pleased with the result. I had absolutely no intention of eating even a bite of it, Kaitlyn, but grandmother doesn’t like chicken pot pie so don’t ever make me any.
Billy didn’t like it. I don’t know why and I do not expect the man to eat something he doesn’t like.
Give it a 2.5 in hopes that someone with more normal tastes might like the result very much.
+++++
French Banana Cake
2/3 c Water
1 tb Vinegar
1 ts Baking soda
1 pk White cake mix
2 Eggs
1 1/4 c Very ripe bananas; mashed
2/3 c Walnuts; chopped
Don't be afraid to use almost black bananas (ripeness improves the
flavour) and refrigerate cake for 24 hours before serving for the best
flavour Mix water, vinegar and soda. Combine with cake mix and eggs. Stir
until moistened. Scrape bowl with spatula. Add mashed bananas. Beat with
electric mixer 3 minutes at medium speed (300 strokes by hand). Blend in
nuts. Pour into greased and floured 9x13" pan. Bake at 350~ for 35
minutes (until toothpick comes out clean).
------------------
Rating: out of a possible 5-5.
This one’s a winner Kaitlyn and you may make it for grandmother during any visit.
I don’t know why it’s a “French” banana cake as there doesn’t appear to be anything French about it. That thing about using very ripe bananas makes this an excellent recipe to have in the database. There are times we all have very ripe bananas with no foreseeable use for them.
The week I would plan to bake this cake I’d have a blow-out banana week. To be extra organized about it, I’d combine it with a nice sale on the fruit at the market.
All week I’d have cereal with bananas, put bananas on Billy’s ice cream, maybe make Kaitlyn a banana and marshmallow sandwich.
At week’s end I’d throw the last of the bananas, by then, conceivably, very black, into this cake and get all my dietary banana needs out of the way in one week.
Also, consider eliminating the nuts in this recipe, Kaitlyn, Nuts really don’t belong in cakes sweet granddaughter and remember grandmother told you this. Nuts belong in cookies.
More Recipe Critiques
Way I plan it, Kaitlyn Mae, you shall compile a fine collection of grandmother’s recipes as listed and critiqued in this book, and shall invite your beloved mother once removed to break bread with you quite often. On those occasions you will prepare entire meals crafted from the recipes I’ve tried, tested and passed on to you.
At least that is my plan, Kaitlyn, but the result remains unknown.
Below are five recipes I’ve tried recently, all culled from various Internet or cooking magazine sources. I picked them from the thousands to actually prepare based on no other criteria than my own preferences. Some were successes, some not.
+++++++++
Championship Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter, softened (no substitutes)
1/2 cup shortening
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup toasted pecans
1 pkg (12 oz) semisweet chocolate chip cookies ***
*** I will sometimes substitute the semisweet chocolate chips for milk chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 F. In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. In a mixer bowl, cream butter, shortening, and the sugars until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs and the vanilla. Beat in dry ingredients just until combined. Fold in the chocolate chips and the pecans. Drop by heaping teaspoonfuls onto 2 ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 1 minute, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Yield: about 6 dozen
------
Rating: Out of a possible 5-4.5
Comments: Actually this recipe should probably be rated 5 based on the fine combination of ingredients and end result. I’m being a bit tough with this because of the vaunted name. When I see “championship” I’m expecting, well, championship. I expect a cookie that is way better than just a very good chocolate chip cookie, which they all are. If this makes any sense.
This recipe will deliver a very good chocolate chip cookie. For “Championship” status the recipe requires a certain more “oomph” that I cannot define.
+++++++++
Barbecued spare ribs
6 pounds pork spareribs, cut into serving-size pieces
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 celery ribs, finely chopped
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup water
1 cup ketchup
3 tablespoons worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon spicy mustard
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
In a large skillet, brown ribs in batches in oil. Place ribs, bone side down, on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Meanwhile, in a skillet, saute onion and celery in butter until tender. Add the remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 10-12 minutes or until slightly thickened.
Drain ribs; brush with some of the sauce. Bake, uncovered, 1 hours longer or until the meat is tender, brushing frequently with remaining sauce. YIELD-6 servings
--------
Rating: out of a possible 5-5.
Okay, Kaitlyn, this is a pretty good recipe and when you prepare it for grandmother add some piping hot cornbread and a nice salad and I shall be a happy guy.
Understanding, naturally, that these spare ribs are NOT prepared on any sort of grill, which I am sure violates spare ribs’ rules across this great land.
Kaitlyn, grandmother has a grill that once a week she may hand husband a plate of steaks and tell him to have at it. Beyond that, such as smokers and deep-fried turkeys are not something grandmother would attempt. YOU, Kaitlyn, may try these things and invite grandmother over for critique.
So a spare rib recipe that uses an oven with a result that is quite good, is a valuable addition to grandmother’s cooking database. These ribs will never be mistaken for the slow-cooked, smoky ribs with a pink center served in the BBQ joints across the country. On the basis of where these ribs are coming from, I rate them a 5.
+++++++++
Sour Cream Biscuits
4 cups biscuit/baking mix
1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
1 cup lemon-lime soda
ORANGE-HONEY BUTTER
½ cup butter, softened
1/3 cup honey
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
Place the biscuit mix in a large bowl. Combine the sour cream and lemon-lime soda; stir into biscuit mix just until combined. Turn onto a floured surface; knead 4-5 times. Roll to ½ in. thickness; cut with a 2-1/2-in. biscuit cutter. Place on greased baking sheets. Bake at 400 deg. For 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.
In a small mixing bowl, beat the butter, honey and orange peel until fluffy. Serve with biscuits. YIELD: 1-1/2 dozen.
--------------------
Rating out of a possible 5-2.
Kaitlyn, grandmother was simply beside herself when she made these biscuits. Because the kitchen resembled an out-of-control dough factory with flour all over the counters and gooey dough on every handle in the surround.
When I first saw the recipe I thought, hey, a couple of ingredients, a recipe that could be memorized easily and prepared with but a snap of the brain bank to become, who knows, a family treasure cherished through the years.
I must wonder if ANYONE ever tested this recipe. Because the dough came out so darn wet that grandmother could do nothing with it. The proportions, Kaitlyn, of the liquid to the dry has to be out of whack.
Grandmother did, Kaitlyn, add some more bisquick to the mix but by the time I got the dough to some sort of reasonable consistency I lost count of how much flour I had to add. Seemed at the time to be a couple of cups but I was exasperated.
When I finally got the dough to resemble dough enough to be rolled out and cut into circular biscuits I was cursing the gods. Flour was everywhere and even with all the flour I kept adding to the dough the biscuits rounds still were soft, limp and difficult to maneuver.
The result wasn’t too bad. It was edible. Grandmother finally gave up trying to cut the dough into rounds and just scraped up piles of wet dough and plopped them onto the baking sheet. These turned out to be the best of the lot as the dough rounds were flat and lame.
At a future date, Kaitlyn, grandmother will adjust this recipe to the correct proportions, try it out and present it anew with a hope and dream.
If you hear nothing further about the matter, assume I never bothered.
++++++++++++
Chicken Pie
a.. prepared pastry for two-crust pie, homemade or package
b.. 6 tablespoons butter
c.. 6 tablespoons flour
d.. 1/2 teaspoon salt
e.. 1/8 teaspoon pepper
f.. 1 3/4 cups chicken broth
g.. 2/3 cup half-and-half
h.. 3 cups chopped, cooked chicken
Prepare pastry; divide in two portions, about two-thirds in one portion and one-third in other. Roll out the larger portion and line a shallow 1 1/2-quart baking dish (about 10x6). Melt butter in a medium saucepan; add flour and seasonings and stir until smooth and bubbly. Add liquids and cook slowly until thickened; add chicken. Pour into pastry-lined pan. Roll out remaining pastry; cover chicken mixture; pinch edges together. Bake at 425° for 35 minutes, or until pastry is nicely browned.
Chicken pie serves 6.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
--------
Rating out of a possible 5-2.5
Husband did not like this dish, Kaitlyn, and for that the recipe has failed grandmother on a major level.
The recipe gets a rating above zero only because were grandmother’s expectations not so high the dish would likely be quite satisfactory for feeding children and such. Grandmother, Kaitlyn, was seeking the quintessential chicken pot pie type of a affair that would suit Billy’s standards, which are, as always, very unreasonable.
Husband likes those little frozen chicken pot pies, Kaitlyn, the kind that are put in the oven solidly frozen and baked to a crisp, homey and meaty result.
Well I don’t agree with that notion either, Kaitlyn, but as you will someday learn, husbands have a whole different way of looking at the world than wives.
Only Billy does not like those little frozen affairs if they have any vegetables within the crust. But of course, Kaitlyn, arguments will be made that is what a chicken pot pie is: chicken, gravy, and some vegetables with a double pie crust.
The above recipe sure seemed to fit the bill and in fact I was pleased with the result. I had absolutely no intention of eating even a bite of it, Kaitlyn, but grandmother doesn’t like chicken pot pie so don’t ever make me any.
Billy didn’t like it. I don’t know why and I do not expect the man to eat something he doesn’t like.
Give it a 2.5 in hopes that someone with more normal tastes might like the result very much.
+++++
French Banana Cake
2/3 c Water
1 tb Vinegar
1 ts Baking soda
1 pk White cake mix
2 Eggs
1 1/4 c Very ripe bananas; mashed
2/3 c Walnuts; chopped
Don't be afraid to use almost black bananas (ripeness improves the
flavour) and refrigerate cake for 24 hours before serving for the best
flavour Mix water, vinegar and soda. Combine with cake mix and eggs. Stir
until moistened. Scrape bowl with spatula. Add mashed bananas. Beat with
electric mixer 3 minutes at medium speed (300 strokes by hand). Blend in
nuts. Pour into greased and floured 9x13" pan. Bake at 350~ for 35
minutes (until toothpick comes out clean).
------------------
Rating: out of a possible 5-5.
This one’s a winner Kaitlyn and you may make it for grandmother during any visit.
I don’t know why it’s a “French” banana cake as there doesn’t appear to be anything French about it. That thing about using very ripe bananas makes this an excellent recipe to have in the database. There are times we all have very ripe bananas with no foreseeable use for them.
The week I would plan to bake this cake I’d have a blow-out banana week. To be extra organized about it, I’d combine it with a nice sale on the fruit at the market.
All week I’d have cereal with bananas, put bananas on Billy’s ice cream, maybe make Kaitlyn a banana and marshmallow sandwich.
At week’s end I’d throw the last of the bananas, by then, conceivably, very black, into this cake and get all my dietary banana needs out of the way in one week.
Also, consider eliminating the nuts in this recipe, Kaitlyn, Nuts really don’t belong in cakes sweet granddaughter and remember grandmother told you this. Nuts belong in cookies.
Friday
The Incumbent Law
8/26/2004
The Incumbent Law
The election of 2004 is heating up, Kaitlyn Mae, and Grandmother is going to generate a missive daily (well, almost daily) in order to document it all.
Because the way I figure it, Kaitlyn, had a wise grandmother such as myself documented the nuances and finer details of the political landscape during the Vietnam War or any of the elections of Grandmother’s lifetime, then we could stop all this argument of who said what, when or why.
As Grandmother would have it documented, you understand Kaitlyn, and the arguing public would only have to refer to Grandmother’s tome for the truth.
So why would the American public, indeed the entire planet, accept Grandmother’s very opinionated world view young Kaitlyn would wisely ask? Not too much longer as I figure, Kaitlyn, because already, only 9 months old, you say “ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba …” many times during the day and I find this quite encouraging.
Indeed not one single soul should accept Grandmother’s version of events as God made delete keys and such to handle such nuisance. But by golly, Kaitlyn, Grandmother has her word and she is free to share it with those with faulty delete keys.
Which brings me to the issue of the this missive, Kaitlyn, and for many months it has left Grandmother inwardly fuming towards a flaming end.
Grandmother refers to it as The Incumbent Law, Kaitlyn Mae, and in your future you should run, not walk, from any legislative body that decides to address campaign finance reform.
It doesn’t matter if one is Republican or Democrat, Kaitlyn and this is the part granddaughter must watch closely, every politician wishes to get re-elected and the minute politicos mention campaign reform trust that no matter your party affiliation, Kaitlyn, not one of them, will be looking out for you.
The year of our Lord 2004’s election fiasco is a perfect illustration of how things will always go awry once politicians get it into their head to try and regulate political speech and money.
It never works, Kaitlyn, and it will never work in your future. If you hear any politician in your surround mentioning anything about reforming campaign laws you may tell them your grandmother’s proper warning.
Before this year, Kaitlyn, there used to be things called “soft” and “hard” money coffers. The “hard” money coffers were limited to contributions of no more than $2,000 per individual, a ridiculous amount at any rate, and could only be used by the campaign to help elect their candidate. “Soft” monies had no limit, or a much higher one I’m not sure, but could only be used by the political parties or special interest groups to promote “ideas”. Then there is the PAC’s, Kaitlyn but for now let’s stop as Grandmother doesn’t want to go too deep into this.
Accept, if you will granddaughter, that the complex apportionment of monies is an invention of the politician and has no effect on your grandmother’s attempt to scribe this journal to you.
The McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill of 2003 has turned political talk into a screaming nightmare. Though not really, and Grandmother will explain this later.
What that stupid law did do, Kaitlyn, is cause Grandmother to be subject to possible violation of the election law. The millionaires can throw their money at either party through something called 527’s, special interest organizations which can use their no-limit contributions to any end EXCEPT promoting a specific political candidate. There is to be no collusion either, Kaitlyn, between the campaigns and the 527’s, and you should see how well they are adhering to that rule.
Only the law didn’t say that a 527 couldn’t use its no-limit contribution to slam an opposing candidate! Thus the Republican oriented 527’s slam John Kerry, while the Democrat oriented 527’s slam President Bush. Of course the Democrats have taken their back-door violation to the spirit of the law to ridiculous heights, Kaitlyn, with one donor having given in excess of 50 million dollars. So far the Repubs have their little swift boat group, began with seed money of $100K from a Texas Republican, then financed by little bucks from people like me, who did give the SwiftBoat Veterans for the Truth $25.00 of her own dollars.
It’s the most insane thing imaginable but here’s what the politicians fail to see through the forest. It’s all really only election rhetoric as usual and no matter complex or difficult they make it, people are speaking their minds.
Except for that little loophole that used to limit the amount of money one individual can give to an election campaign and frankly, Kaitlyn, it’s one of only two things we need in any campaign laws. We don’t want Exxon to completely finance a presidential candidate as then Exxon would own that candidate. All leadership decisions and actions resulting would naturally lean toward anything beneficial to Exxon. Change Exxon to Ho Chi Minh, or Aristotle Onassis and Kaitlyn should understand that there should a limit to contributions given by individuals, companies or organizations, to a presidential campaign. The other thing a decent campaign law requires, Kaitlyn, is mandatory identification of any and all contributors to any particular political campaign.
Indeed political contributor lists are widely available even in this, your grandmother’s era. One only has to note a newsworthy name, go to some official web site, and do a search on that individual. If the result shows the person to be a heavy contributor to the Dems then judge from that. Same if the person contributes heavily to Republican candidates.
Beyond this, Kaitlyn, the silly politicians should get the hell out of the way and stop wasting the taxpayer’s dime trying to re-invent the wheel or develop some complicated pyramid scheme that would get them elected than collapse behind them, protecting them forever.
The Incumbent Law, Kaitlyn. Anything to get them elected, even tromping all over the free speech rights of thee and me.
Which brings me to end this missive Kaitlyn, with the soft uttering of concern that through all the millionaires and 527 shenanigans, it might be Grandmother herself and she alone, who is actually violating the campaign finance reform law of 2003.
For there is some rule in that law that for 60 days before an election there should be no criticism of any candidate. The media is excepted here, Kaitlyn, and God knows what the 527’s can do.
Grandmother, Kaitlyn, is probably not an exception.
I’ll not bother to research the minutiae, Kaitlyn, as I intend to post my political missives each and every day up until the election. And trust, grandchild, that I shall say very many negative things about John Kerry. Nasty things, even.
My missives shall be posted to my Blog Site on the Internet and two, maybe three people read it. But I don’t think lack of readership, listeners or viewers, is one of the exceptions either.
Likely the Feds won’t want to bother with the likes of Grandmother due to resources and via that loophole, Kaitlyn, your mother once removed shall continue to post her angry and derogatory missives regarding John F. Kerry, fraud and charlatan.
That’s just to start it off.
The Incumbent Law
The election of 2004 is heating up, Kaitlyn Mae, and Grandmother is going to generate a missive daily (well, almost daily) in order to document it all.
Because the way I figure it, Kaitlyn, had a wise grandmother such as myself documented the nuances and finer details of the political landscape during the Vietnam War or any of the elections of Grandmother’s lifetime, then we could stop all this argument of who said what, when or why.
As Grandmother would have it documented, you understand Kaitlyn, and the arguing public would only have to refer to Grandmother’s tome for the truth.
So why would the American public, indeed the entire planet, accept Grandmother’s very opinionated world view young Kaitlyn would wisely ask? Not too much longer as I figure, Kaitlyn, because already, only 9 months old, you say “ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba …” many times during the day and I find this quite encouraging.
Indeed not one single soul should accept Grandmother’s version of events as God made delete keys and such to handle such nuisance. But by golly, Kaitlyn, Grandmother has her word and she is free to share it with those with faulty delete keys.
Which brings me to the issue of the this missive, Kaitlyn, and for many months it has left Grandmother inwardly fuming towards a flaming end.
Grandmother refers to it as The Incumbent Law, Kaitlyn Mae, and in your future you should run, not walk, from any legislative body that decides to address campaign finance reform.
It doesn’t matter if one is Republican or Democrat, Kaitlyn and this is the part granddaughter must watch closely, every politician wishes to get re-elected and the minute politicos mention campaign reform trust that no matter your party affiliation, Kaitlyn, not one of them, will be looking out for you.
The year of our Lord 2004’s election fiasco is a perfect illustration of how things will always go awry once politicians get it into their head to try and regulate political speech and money.
It never works, Kaitlyn, and it will never work in your future. If you hear any politician in your surround mentioning anything about reforming campaign laws you may tell them your grandmother’s proper warning.
Before this year, Kaitlyn, there used to be things called “soft” and “hard” money coffers. The “hard” money coffers were limited to contributions of no more than $2,000 per individual, a ridiculous amount at any rate, and could only be used by the campaign to help elect their candidate. “Soft” monies had no limit, or a much higher one I’m not sure, but could only be used by the political parties or special interest groups to promote “ideas”. Then there is the PAC’s, Kaitlyn but for now let’s stop as Grandmother doesn’t want to go too deep into this.
Accept, if you will granddaughter, that the complex apportionment of monies is an invention of the politician and has no effect on your grandmother’s attempt to scribe this journal to you.
The McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill of 2003 has turned political talk into a screaming nightmare. Though not really, and Grandmother will explain this later.
What that stupid law did do, Kaitlyn, is cause Grandmother to be subject to possible violation of the election law. The millionaires can throw their money at either party through something called 527’s, special interest organizations which can use their no-limit contributions to any end EXCEPT promoting a specific political candidate. There is to be no collusion either, Kaitlyn, between the campaigns and the 527’s, and you should see how well they are adhering to that rule.
Only the law didn’t say that a 527 couldn’t use its no-limit contribution to slam an opposing candidate! Thus the Republican oriented 527’s slam John Kerry, while the Democrat oriented 527’s slam President Bush. Of course the Democrats have taken their back-door violation to the spirit of the law to ridiculous heights, Kaitlyn, with one donor having given in excess of 50 million dollars. So far the Repubs have their little swift boat group, began with seed money of $100K from a Texas Republican, then financed by little bucks from people like me, who did give the SwiftBoat Veterans for the Truth $25.00 of her own dollars.
It’s the most insane thing imaginable but here’s what the politicians fail to see through the forest. It’s all really only election rhetoric as usual and no matter complex or difficult they make it, people are speaking their minds.
Except for that little loophole that used to limit the amount of money one individual can give to an election campaign and frankly, Kaitlyn, it’s one of only two things we need in any campaign laws. We don’t want Exxon to completely finance a presidential candidate as then Exxon would own that candidate. All leadership decisions and actions resulting would naturally lean toward anything beneficial to Exxon. Change Exxon to Ho Chi Minh, or Aristotle Onassis and Kaitlyn should understand that there should a limit to contributions given by individuals, companies or organizations, to a presidential campaign. The other thing a decent campaign law requires, Kaitlyn, is mandatory identification of any and all contributors to any particular political campaign.
Indeed political contributor lists are widely available even in this, your grandmother’s era. One only has to note a newsworthy name, go to some official web site, and do a search on that individual. If the result shows the person to be a heavy contributor to the Dems then judge from that. Same if the person contributes heavily to Republican candidates.
Beyond this, Kaitlyn, the silly politicians should get the hell out of the way and stop wasting the taxpayer’s dime trying to re-invent the wheel or develop some complicated pyramid scheme that would get them elected than collapse behind them, protecting them forever.
The Incumbent Law, Kaitlyn. Anything to get them elected, even tromping all over the free speech rights of thee and me.
Which brings me to end this missive Kaitlyn, with the soft uttering of concern that through all the millionaires and 527 shenanigans, it might be Grandmother herself and she alone, who is actually violating the campaign finance reform law of 2003.
For there is some rule in that law that for 60 days before an election there should be no criticism of any candidate. The media is excepted here, Kaitlyn, and God knows what the 527’s can do.
Grandmother, Kaitlyn, is probably not an exception.
I’ll not bother to research the minutiae, Kaitlyn, as I intend to post my political missives each and every day up until the election. And trust, grandchild, that I shall say very many negative things about John Kerry. Nasty things, even.
My missives shall be posted to my Blog Site on the Internet and two, maybe three people read it. But I don’t think lack of readership, listeners or viewers, is one of the exceptions either.
Likely the Feds won’t want to bother with the likes of Grandmother due to resources and via that loophole, Kaitlyn, your mother once removed shall continue to post her angry and derogatory missives regarding John F. Kerry, fraud and charlatan.
That’s just to start it off.
Tuesday
The Swift Boat Veterans
8/23/2004
The Swift Boat Vets
Someday, Kaitlyn, there may be listed a President Kerry in your history books. If so you may likely be speaking Arabic and wearing a Burqua.
Allow Grandmother to document the current rage about the Swift Boat Veteran controversy as it burns on this date. I shall try, too, to explain the depth of pain and betrayal I feel by the revelations hitting my ears this week. That pain, Kaitlyn, comes to Grandmother on a most personal level.
There is an entire and thoughtful entry on the effect of the Vietnam war on Grandmother’s life earlier in this tome to you (see entry titled 4/20/04 titled “Vietnam”). To my horror and dismay, Grandmother must again re-live that confusing period in this country’s history anew with the rhetoric of our day. She learns, on this day of our Lord, that she was once again fooled and deceived during that era before the Internet and cable news when the transmission of “truth” over the public air ways was determined by the metrosexuals at the NY Times and Dan Rather.
I had no idea, Kaitlyn, that John Kerry was organizer of the Vietnam Vets Against the War, or VVAW as it is more commonly known. At the time, Grandmother was one confused American woman who suffered, on a personal level, greatly due to that bizarre and ill-run conflict.
As you will read on my earlier missive on Vietnam, Kaitlyn Mae, Grandmother turned 18 while that war was raging. Grandmother married her first husband and that entire, short-lived union was wracked with the shadow of Vietnam and its consequences on my own would-be happy life. For Grandmother’s young husband was subject to the draft and indeed, his birthday popped up right at the top of that sad lottery of death.
My memory at the time, Kaitlyn, was that it wasn’t that the general American populace was necessarily against the war, but there was almost a visceral general malaise because the body bags of young men kept coming home while the politicians couldn’t decide if they wanted to fight the thing to win or fight it with a kind political correctness. Of course, Kaitlyn, Grandmother is now almost 40 years older than that young dewy-eyed woman who did love her country but also loved her husband. I did not want my husband coming home in a body bag for a war fought with no evident hope of winning.
At least this is Grandmother’s memory of the time. My young husband was adamant that he was not going to Vietnam and his liberal parents offered to finance his escape to Canada.
I didn’t want to move to Canada, Kaitlyn, as Grandmother is quite firmly American and naturally there was the logistics of the act.
Our youthful marriage didn’t make it, Kaitlyn, and it broke my young heart.
After our divorce, young husband became a hippie and anti-war protestor of the highest order. I adjusted to my new single life and life went on. Over the following few years, Grandmother became disenchanted her own self. That dirty war in Vietnam continued, the body bags kept being unloaded on the TV, and it seemed that the whole thing was a quagmire of the highest order. Grandmother herself donned some fringe vests and began to march against that war. When I heard about the Vietnam Vets against the war I felt an inner sense of smugness and justification.
“Even the guys that fought in the war are against it,” I would say to my political father, who thought America should be loved or left.
Today I see the testimony that John Kerry gave before congress in 1971. His words break my heart.
The ad was compiled and presented by an organization called the Swift Boat Vets against John Kerry. Seems many of these men served with Mr. Kerry during Vietnam and their version of events is quite different than the lies Kerry’s been spewing about his “heroics” during the war. If you must adjust your burqua any time during this read, Kaitlyn, it’s because those brave veterans who risked their reputations to step up to the public podium and challenge a lying presidential contender that not only was not a hero, but was a coward of the highest order, lost their battle to get out the truth.
John Kerry was in Vietnam for four months. During that time he won three purple hearts and a medal of valor. The man, Kaitlyn, did not bleed once.
I remember the body bags and now know that this blowhard who would be our President connived and schemed to get fake Purple Hearts, after he got three he resorted to some little known naval rule that with three purple hearts a sailor can be returned state side.
Through all the political rhetoric over the cable waves and talk radio outlets, one fact stands out bright and shining in Grandmother’s mind. Kerry has plenty of sycophants out defending his pathetic hide-how decent people can sell their souls like Kaitlyn Grandmother will never understand-and yet the one fact still shines bright.
He was there for FOUR (count ‘em) months. He got three Purple Hearts. Even without the Swift Vets, Kaitlyn, how likely is that? With one of his overseas months spent in some sort of training facility in a posh area of Vietnam, Kaitlyn, is John Kerry the sort of fellow capable of wracking up all those honors in so short a time? While being the pilot of nothing more than a big cabin cruiser?
Over 250 of Vietnam Vets who served with Kerry have written a book and they have extensively documented Kerry’s questionable actions. The book is called “Unfit for Command” and as she writes, Grandmother is trying to get a copy for posterity.
For the Kerry campaign does not respond to the accusations. Instead they call for book stores to refuse to stock the book, for the publisher to stop the printing and for the President of the United States to call upon those veterans to stop their accusations, depriving them of the first amendment rights that they fought for. So not only might you be wearing a burqua, Kaitlyn, you might well not be able to even read this missive from your grandmother, should there be a President Kerry in your history book. He will decide what is read in America as he is an expert at manipulating opinions and indeed, truth itself.
I cry at those old clips of Kerry testifying before the senate because he flat-out accuses all of those soldiers of horrific actions in the theater of war. And Grandmother knows, Kaitlyn, she knows NOW, that if his words aren’t flat out lies they are certainly gross exaggerations. Grandmother knows in her bones that most of the soldiers sent to fight that ill-run war didn’t commit those crimes. Grandmother was once married to a sweet young man who would have been such a soldier were it not for his flat feet, and Grandmother knows that the soldiers were but pawns of the politicians. They were not war criminals, Kaitlyn, though Grandmother would allow that war can bring out the worst in humankind. Perhaps SOME, probably very few by Grandmother’s trusted instinct, did some of those awful things Kerry delineated before congress, to include rape, cutting off hands and heads, and torching huts of innocent villagers.
One more searing and shining truth comes out from that lying senate testimony, Kaitlyn, and Kerry cannot deny them for they are caught on video for posterity.
Grandmother paraphrases: “The United States cannot fight communism all over the world,” the then young John Kerry stated in summation. America lost the war in Vietnam with the great assistance of young John Kerry.
Kaitlyn, you will never know or fear the scourge of communism because, and this is a fact not that John Kerry had anything to do with it, but a great Republican President stood up to the once mighty and menacing Union of Soviet Socialist Republic and it is no more.
Senator John Kerry threw in the towel while Ronald Regan stared it down.
John Kerry was wrong then, Kaitlyn. Were it for the likes of the lying and cowardly John Kerry, there would still be a USSR and America would be supplying them with nuclear reactors for “peaceful” purposes like the Democrats of Clinton did for the sweet Kim Jong Il of North Korea.
I’ll end with this thought, Kaitlyn. If John Kerry made that statement about communism then read the following quote, read it long and read it hard. Grandmother is making but one substitution in the phrasing but I argue it’s crucial.
“The United States cannot fight TERRORISM all over the world.”
The above a statement of President John F. Kerry in the 2005 state of the union address. He then announces the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq, Afghanistan and the entire middle east.
The Swift Boat Vets
Someday, Kaitlyn, there may be listed a President Kerry in your history books. If so you may likely be speaking Arabic and wearing a Burqua.
Allow Grandmother to document the current rage about the Swift Boat Veteran controversy as it burns on this date. I shall try, too, to explain the depth of pain and betrayal I feel by the revelations hitting my ears this week. That pain, Kaitlyn, comes to Grandmother on a most personal level.
There is an entire and thoughtful entry on the effect of the Vietnam war on Grandmother’s life earlier in this tome to you (see entry titled 4/20/04 titled “Vietnam”). To my horror and dismay, Grandmother must again re-live that confusing period in this country’s history anew with the rhetoric of our day. She learns, on this day of our Lord, that she was once again fooled and deceived during that era before the Internet and cable news when the transmission of “truth” over the public air ways was determined by the metrosexuals at the NY Times and Dan Rather.
I had no idea, Kaitlyn, that John Kerry was organizer of the Vietnam Vets Against the War, or VVAW as it is more commonly known. At the time, Grandmother was one confused American woman who suffered, on a personal level, greatly due to that bizarre and ill-run conflict.
As you will read on my earlier missive on Vietnam, Kaitlyn Mae, Grandmother turned 18 while that war was raging. Grandmother married her first husband and that entire, short-lived union was wracked with the shadow of Vietnam and its consequences on my own would-be happy life. For Grandmother’s young husband was subject to the draft and indeed, his birthday popped up right at the top of that sad lottery of death.
My memory at the time, Kaitlyn, was that it wasn’t that the general American populace was necessarily against the war, but there was almost a visceral general malaise because the body bags of young men kept coming home while the politicians couldn’t decide if they wanted to fight the thing to win or fight it with a kind political correctness. Of course, Kaitlyn, Grandmother is now almost 40 years older than that young dewy-eyed woman who did love her country but also loved her husband. I did not want my husband coming home in a body bag for a war fought with no evident hope of winning.
At least this is Grandmother’s memory of the time. My young husband was adamant that he was not going to Vietnam and his liberal parents offered to finance his escape to Canada.
I didn’t want to move to Canada, Kaitlyn, as Grandmother is quite firmly American and naturally there was the logistics of the act.
Our youthful marriage didn’t make it, Kaitlyn, and it broke my young heart.
After our divorce, young husband became a hippie and anti-war protestor of the highest order. I adjusted to my new single life and life went on. Over the following few years, Grandmother became disenchanted her own self. That dirty war in Vietnam continued, the body bags kept being unloaded on the TV, and it seemed that the whole thing was a quagmire of the highest order. Grandmother herself donned some fringe vests and began to march against that war. When I heard about the Vietnam Vets against the war I felt an inner sense of smugness and justification.
“Even the guys that fought in the war are against it,” I would say to my political father, who thought America should be loved or left.
Today I see the testimony that John Kerry gave before congress in 1971. His words break my heart.
The ad was compiled and presented by an organization called the Swift Boat Vets against John Kerry. Seems many of these men served with Mr. Kerry during Vietnam and their version of events is quite different than the lies Kerry’s been spewing about his “heroics” during the war. If you must adjust your burqua any time during this read, Kaitlyn, it’s because those brave veterans who risked their reputations to step up to the public podium and challenge a lying presidential contender that not only was not a hero, but was a coward of the highest order, lost their battle to get out the truth.
John Kerry was in Vietnam for four months. During that time he won three purple hearts and a medal of valor. The man, Kaitlyn, did not bleed once.
I remember the body bags and now know that this blowhard who would be our President connived and schemed to get fake Purple Hearts, after he got three he resorted to some little known naval rule that with three purple hearts a sailor can be returned state side.
Through all the political rhetoric over the cable waves and talk radio outlets, one fact stands out bright and shining in Grandmother’s mind. Kerry has plenty of sycophants out defending his pathetic hide-how decent people can sell their souls like Kaitlyn Grandmother will never understand-and yet the one fact still shines bright.
He was there for FOUR (count ‘em) months. He got three Purple Hearts. Even without the Swift Vets, Kaitlyn, how likely is that? With one of his overseas months spent in some sort of training facility in a posh area of Vietnam, Kaitlyn, is John Kerry the sort of fellow capable of wracking up all those honors in so short a time? While being the pilot of nothing more than a big cabin cruiser?
Over 250 of Vietnam Vets who served with Kerry have written a book and they have extensively documented Kerry’s questionable actions. The book is called “Unfit for Command” and as she writes, Grandmother is trying to get a copy for posterity.
For the Kerry campaign does not respond to the accusations. Instead they call for book stores to refuse to stock the book, for the publisher to stop the printing and for the President of the United States to call upon those veterans to stop their accusations, depriving them of the first amendment rights that they fought for. So not only might you be wearing a burqua, Kaitlyn, you might well not be able to even read this missive from your grandmother, should there be a President Kerry in your history book. He will decide what is read in America as he is an expert at manipulating opinions and indeed, truth itself.
I cry at those old clips of Kerry testifying before the senate because he flat-out accuses all of those soldiers of horrific actions in the theater of war. And Grandmother knows, Kaitlyn, she knows NOW, that if his words aren’t flat out lies they are certainly gross exaggerations. Grandmother knows in her bones that most of the soldiers sent to fight that ill-run war didn’t commit those crimes. Grandmother was once married to a sweet young man who would have been such a soldier were it not for his flat feet, and Grandmother knows that the soldiers were but pawns of the politicians. They were not war criminals, Kaitlyn, though Grandmother would allow that war can bring out the worst in humankind. Perhaps SOME, probably very few by Grandmother’s trusted instinct, did some of those awful things Kerry delineated before congress, to include rape, cutting off hands and heads, and torching huts of innocent villagers.
One more searing and shining truth comes out from that lying senate testimony, Kaitlyn, and Kerry cannot deny them for they are caught on video for posterity.
Grandmother paraphrases: “The United States cannot fight communism all over the world,” the then young John Kerry stated in summation. America lost the war in Vietnam with the great assistance of young John Kerry.
Kaitlyn, you will never know or fear the scourge of communism because, and this is a fact not that John Kerry had anything to do with it, but a great Republican President stood up to the once mighty and menacing Union of Soviet Socialist Republic and it is no more.
Senator John Kerry threw in the towel while Ronald Regan stared it down.
John Kerry was wrong then, Kaitlyn. Were it for the likes of the lying and cowardly John Kerry, there would still be a USSR and America would be supplying them with nuclear reactors for “peaceful” purposes like the Democrats of Clinton did for the sweet Kim Jong Il of North Korea.
I’ll end with this thought, Kaitlyn. If John Kerry made that statement about communism then read the following quote, read it long and read it hard. Grandmother is making but one substitution in the phrasing but I argue it’s crucial.
“The United States cannot fight TERRORISM all over the world.”
The above a statement of President John F. Kerry in the 2005 state of the union address. He then announces the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq, Afghanistan and the entire middle east.
Thursday
The Olympics 2004
8/18/2004
The 2004 Olympics
It’s time, Kaitlyn Mae, that grandmother discusses the International Olympics to you and I might, should the mood move me, provide an all-encompassing over-view of the events to include the political, social, monetary and scandalous ramifications that the Olympics affect. The sort of things your more ordinary type of grandmother might overlook but as is expected of this one so wise. For now, allow grandmother to state her most immediate thoughts and impressions of the Olympic games being held in Greece during this year of our Lord, 2004.
Beginning with the opening ceremonies which were, as those things always are, very moving, colorful and frankly, spectacular. I’d expect nothing less from Greece, the home of the original games. This year, due to America’s involvement in Iraq what with America taking down a nasty and dangerous dictator while most of the very attendees of these opening ceremonies sat on their butts and did nothing, there was a concern that the American team would be booed on this international stage during the parade of participating nations.
America was not only NOT booed, Kaitlyn Mae, two new democratic countries were in that parade of nations; countries that wouldn’t be there were if not for the United States of America. I speak of Afghanistan and Iraq. No wait, Kaitlyn, grandmother distinctly remembers Iraq had two athletes during the Salt Lake City Olympics. Only Uday Hussein was then in charge of the athletes and this kind fellow, now very dead, used to throw the athletes off a bridge should they not perform well.
Team USA received a very resounding cheer as did Afghanistan (with women athletes for the first time ever), and Iraq. Of course anti-Americans Katie Courac and Bob Costas were the talking heads for the opening ceremonies and Bob had to put down the cheer for the American team as just the Greeks being ‘polite’. Perish the thought that the people attending the ceremonies genuinely liked and admired America, thought Americans to be friendly, loving and giving people, and clapped heartily due to this sentiment. Sure the stands were filled with Americans but there were almost 50% of the stands, by my estimate, filled with families and friends of the other teams. Whatever the statistic, those that had a mind to boo and hiss could have and certainly would have and they would have been heard. There were only cheers, Kaitlyn.
To Katie and Bob’s disappointment, the crowd let loose a hearty and genuinely rousing cheer for team America and grandmother wiped a tear. I had been worrying about it as well, Kaitlyn, as the Democrats keep telling me the world hates America and I keep not believing it. Some of their leaders, on the other hand, got themselves all involved with Saddam’s scams and they tend to project an anti-Americanism their populace does not feel.
At least that’s grandmother’s theory, Kaitlyn, and I’m sticking to it.
As for the events, well here grandmother has to struggle to understand it all and absorb the changes from the Olympics she remembers. For the Olympics used to consist of only amateur athletes. So when I saw some guy named Iverson on the US basketball team and I know he’s some kind of basketball player on a major league team, I was startled.
So okay, I accept that any athlete can participate in an Olympic event but they don’t get paid for participating. Except if they get some kind of endorsement or such on the side as I understand it. Thus Mexico sends its best basketball players which are but wimps compared to Americans but Mexico beats America in the Olympics because many of the professional basketball players didn’t want to participate because, well, there’s nothing in it for them. Except pride in the red, white and blue and golly, if nothing else, you’d think those pampered athletes would have some pride to have Mexico viewed by the world as better basketball players than Americans. Not that I know if Mexico even has a basketball team entered in the 2004 Olympics, but you know what I mean.
Now I must try to understand the various athletic events and comprehend how, and why.
Beach volleyball? Synchronized diving? Badminton? Table Tennis?
Grandmother has given this a lot of thought and I should allow that international athletic events must include sports that appeal to all nationalities. Still, isn’t log-rolling a big-time thing someplace in Scotland? Is log-rolling an Olympic event? For all I know it could be but I don’t think so because I would watch that.
So how do they choose what gets to be an event, complete with gold, silver and bronze medals for excellence? It can’t be limited to events requiring superb use of the body as Equestrian is an Olympic sport and for this the ‘athlete’ needs a horse and indeed, the horse does all the work!
Having no answers for this, grandmother moves on to the events themselves and again, irreverent questions pop into her head. Swimming is one of my favorite events, I don’t know why. But I watch the many swimming races involving the breast-stroke and I wonder if anyone ever swims this way. Like when the rescue boat nears the sailor gone overboard, is the guy doing a handy breast stroke for some practical reason, such as speed or something? Because in all my visits to the beaches of Delaware and Maryland I have never seen anyone in the ocean chugalugging along doing the breast stroke.
The gymnastics are other competitions grandmother enjoys watching but questions pop into my head. Like why would anyone walk along a raised-board, jumping and tumbling on the thing to an end of a smashing dismount? It’s called the balance beam but I wonder who on earth ever dreamed up such a thing. Same with the un-parallel bars. Are these devices designed to test the human body at its maximum whereas, say, swinging around on two more even parallel bars proves nothing?
Still I watch and mostly enjoy those events that interest me. The young gymnasts of Romania, America and Russia are just blossoming womanhood at its finest. They run across the gym and turn their bodies over and over again and you know what, Kaitlyn? Grandmother has NEVER been able to jump, somersault in mid-air to land firmly on her feet. I cannot even imagine such a thing what with grandmother’s body being shaped like a potato. Yet these young ladies somersault two or three times in the air after one big jump!
Consider me impressed.
So Kaitlyn, grandmother hopes you enjoy the Olympics of your day and sweetheart, when pounding on a keyboard becomes an Olympic sport, your grandmother will be bringing home the gold.
The 2004 Olympics
It’s time, Kaitlyn Mae, that grandmother discusses the International Olympics to you and I might, should the mood move me, provide an all-encompassing over-view of the events to include the political, social, monetary and scandalous ramifications that the Olympics affect. The sort of things your more ordinary type of grandmother might overlook but as is expected of this one so wise. For now, allow grandmother to state her most immediate thoughts and impressions of the Olympic games being held in Greece during this year of our Lord, 2004.
Beginning with the opening ceremonies which were, as those things always are, very moving, colorful and frankly, spectacular. I’d expect nothing less from Greece, the home of the original games. This year, due to America’s involvement in Iraq what with America taking down a nasty and dangerous dictator while most of the very attendees of these opening ceremonies sat on their butts and did nothing, there was a concern that the American team would be booed on this international stage during the parade of participating nations.
America was not only NOT booed, Kaitlyn Mae, two new democratic countries were in that parade of nations; countries that wouldn’t be there were if not for the United States of America. I speak of Afghanistan and Iraq. No wait, Kaitlyn, grandmother distinctly remembers Iraq had two athletes during the Salt Lake City Olympics. Only Uday Hussein was then in charge of the athletes and this kind fellow, now very dead, used to throw the athletes off a bridge should they not perform well.
Team USA received a very resounding cheer as did Afghanistan (with women athletes for the first time ever), and Iraq. Of course anti-Americans Katie Courac and Bob Costas were the talking heads for the opening ceremonies and Bob had to put down the cheer for the American team as just the Greeks being ‘polite’. Perish the thought that the people attending the ceremonies genuinely liked and admired America, thought Americans to be friendly, loving and giving people, and clapped heartily due to this sentiment. Sure the stands were filled with Americans but there were almost 50% of the stands, by my estimate, filled with families and friends of the other teams. Whatever the statistic, those that had a mind to boo and hiss could have and certainly would have and they would have been heard. There were only cheers, Kaitlyn.
To Katie and Bob’s disappointment, the crowd let loose a hearty and genuinely rousing cheer for team America and grandmother wiped a tear. I had been worrying about it as well, Kaitlyn, as the Democrats keep telling me the world hates America and I keep not believing it. Some of their leaders, on the other hand, got themselves all involved with Saddam’s scams and they tend to project an anti-Americanism their populace does not feel.
At least that’s grandmother’s theory, Kaitlyn, and I’m sticking to it.
As for the events, well here grandmother has to struggle to understand it all and absorb the changes from the Olympics she remembers. For the Olympics used to consist of only amateur athletes. So when I saw some guy named Iverson on the US basketball team and I know he’s some kind of basketball player on a major league team, I was startled.
So okay, I accept that any athlete can participate in an Olympic event but they don’t get paid for participating. Except if they get some kind of endorsement or such on the side as I understand it. Thus Mexico sends its best basketball players which are but wimps compared to Americans but Mexico beats America in the Olympics because many of the professional basketball players didn’t want to participate because, well, there’s nothing in it for them. Except pride in the red, white and blue and golly, if nothing else, you’d think those pampered athletes would have some pride to have Mexico viewed by the world as better basketball players than Americans. Not that I know if Mexico even has a basketball team entered in the 2004 Olympics, but you know what I mean.
Now I must try to understand the various athletic events and comprehend how, and why.
Beach volleyball? Synchronized diving? Badminton? Table Tennis?
Grandmother has given this a lot of thought and I should allow that international athletic events must include sports that appeal to all nationalities. Still, isn’t log-rolling a big-time thing someplace in Scotland? Is log-rolling an Olympic event? For all I know it could be but I don’t think so because I would watch that.
So how do they choose what gets to be an event, complete with gold, silver and bronze medals for excellence? It can’t be limited to events requiring superb use of the body as Equestrian is an Olympic sport and for this the ‘athlete’ needs a horse and indeed, the horse does all the work!
Having no answers for this, grandmother moves on to the events themselves and again, irreverent questions pop into her head. Swimming is one of my favorite events, I don’t know why. But I watch the many swimming races involving the breast-stroke and I wonder if anyone ever swims this way. Like when the rescue boat nears the sailor gone overboard, is the guy doing a handy breast stroke for some practical reason, such as speed or something? Because in all my visits to the beaches of Delaware and Maryland I have never seen anyone in the ocean chugalugging along doing the breast stroke.
The gymnastics are other competitions grandmother enjoys watching but questions pop into my head. Like why would anyone walk along a raised-board, jumping and tumbling on the thing to an end of a smashing dismount? It’s called the balance beam but I wonder who on earth ever dreamed up such a thing. Same with the un-parallel bars. Are these devices designed to test the human body at its maximum whereas, say, swinging around on two more even parallel bars proves nothing?
Still I watch and mostly enjoy those events that interest me. The young gymnasts of Romania, America and Russia are just blossoming womanhood at its finest. They run across the gym and turn their bodies over and over again and you know what, Kaitlyn? Grandmother has NEVER been able to jump, somersault in mid-air to land firmly on her feet. I cannot even imagine such a thing what with grandmother’s body being shaped like a potato. Yet these young ladies somersault two or three times in the air after one big jump!
Consider me impressed.
So Kaitlyn, grandmother hopes you enjoy the Olympics of your day and sweetheart, when pounding on a keyboard becomes an Olympic sport, your grandmother will be bringing home the gold.
Friday
A Day at the Spa
8/4/2004
The Massage
“How long do you think before it ..,” I stopped then searched for the word. “Goes away,” I finally concluded, a bit lamely.
The masseuse who’d earlier given me a smashing massage and amazingly caused all the aches and pains to temporarily leave my chubby, middle-aged body, shrugged. “Maybe never.”
Actually the vague aches and pains that had been so recently and refreshingly banished from my body returned all too shortly, answering my query to the masseuse as to when this pain free existence would disappear. Only I didn’t know that at the time.
Fortunately the masseuse was my niece, allowing for a comfort and curiosity that might not have been possible had I used a birthday gift certificate for a day at the spa with a total stranger as my masseuse. As it was I was still quite apprehensive about it all. The gift regimen would include something called a “stone massage” and a foot treatment.
Of course I’m prejudiced, but my niece turned out to be quite expert at her job and very professional about it. She answered all my questions easily and confidently.
“Strip down to your comfort level, put on this sheet and lay belly down on this table,” she dictated after I entered the massage room. The space was decorated like one would expect of such a locale, with soothing bows to peace and serenity. The walls were painted a vibrant, almost psychedelic, purple. The massage table was a standard affair, a stainless steel gurney with a steel shelf appendage that had a hole into which the massage recipient was to place his or her face.
My niece left the room, promising to return in two minutes. I had dressed purposefully casual and I was able to disrobe quickly down to my underwear and position myself on the massage table as instructed. My niece returned and began preparations for the massage. She was very solicitous of my comfort, assuring me that she would stop any action that was causing me even a grimace of pain. I’d been warned to empty my bladder before the massage began and was assured that it would need emptying again after the rubdown.
I heard the sounds of lotions squirting, cloths being snapped, stones hitting stones. “So what’s so great about this so-called ‘stone-massage’ as opposed to your more ordinary massage?”
My niece explained that muscles sometimes get “knots” and by placing a heated stone on a knot then gently knocking that stone with another stone, the knots are flattened quickly and comfortably. I considered the concept of muscle knots and the notion that they should be flattened. “See, I’ve found a knot here,” she said, pushing down on a spot on my back. I’d never argue that there were knots in my muscle fiber. There were times that my body felt like it was a veritable freeway of twisted fibers and aching bones. Been like that ever since I turned fifty but maybe it’s just me.
Terry placed a warm stone on my back knot, warning me to tell her if it was too hot. It felt wonderful. She then banged the warm stone with another stone but I don’t know what happened, maybe the knot got flattened. I only know that warm stone on my back was probably the sweetest feeling my body had in the prior three weeks not counting marital pleasures. Well, maybe counting them too.
My nepotistic masseuse proceeded to administer a massage over my entire back, using the lotion to avoid skin friction and slight, expertly applied, pressure to pull and pound those aching muscle fibers. When she began to push down on my lower back I fairly groaned with the pleasure. At first there was a dull pain that responded to her digital ministrations by completely disappearing. For the first time since I could remember, my entire back was pain free.
“Do you ever have any problems with, um, …,” I tried to ask my niece, delicately, about the unspoken reputation of the massage business. “Guys expecting sex?” my no-nonsense niece prodded.
She continued to rub my back and I knew she was formulating her response. “Sometimes,” she finally said. “A lot depends on the location of the massage parlor,” she explained. “As you can see, this is a day spa and we administer many services from hair, nails, massages, foot treatments, we do it all here.”
Which was true enough and was the first thing I noticed. My niece told me that day spas like this one were springing up everywhere. “A day at the spa makes a nice gift,” my niece told me, a gift I certainly was enjoying.
“Sometimes,” she said cautiously, “we can tell if there’s a problem,” my niece continued and through a series of head-pointing and gestures I concluded that the masseuses are trained to note male customers that are very obviously physically aroused. “We don’t make a big deal about it, just leave the room on some pretense. When we come back the problem usually has gone away. If it hasn’t we diplomatically cut the massage short.”
I nodded understanding and was impressed by her professionalism and training. Not to mention the pleasure she was bringing to my tight calf muscles and weary feet with the movement and perfect pressure of her palms.
The entire massage lasted an hour and by my estimate I was pain free for almost 24 hours. Circumstances the weekend following the massage had me sleeping on some sort of Chinese couch that wasn’t unlike nestling down on top of two railway tracks. We won’t go there but the mention comes because the aches and pains returned, gradually, but dull and persistent nonetheless. Whether this was because of the Chinese couch or just how it is, I don’t know.
I’ll do it again and would recommend a massage from a well-trained professional to anyone with stress in their lives. Which would be everyone perhaps and that’s the point.
It does make one heck of a gift.
The Massage
“How long do you think before it ..,” I stopped then searched for the word. “Goes away,” I finally concluded, a bit lamely.
The masseuse who’d earlier given me a smashing massage and amazingly caused all the aches and pains to temporarily leave my chubby, middle-aged body, shrugged. “Maybe never.”
Actually the vague aches and pains that had been so recently and refreshingly banished from my body returned all too shortly, answering my query to the masseuse as to when this pain free existence would disappear. Only I didn’t know that at the time.
Fortunately the masseuse was my niece, allowing for a comfort and curiosity that might not have been possible had I used a birthday gift certificate for a day at the spa with a total stranger as my masseuse. As it was I was still quite apprehensive about it all. The gift regimen would include something called a “stone massage” and a foot treatment.
Of course I’m prejudiced, but my niece turned out to be quite expert at her job and very professional about it. She answered all my questions easily and confidently.
“Strip down to your comfort level, put on this sheet and lay belly down on this table,” she dictated after I entered the massage room. The space was decorated like one would expect of such a locale, with soothing bows to peace and serenity. The walls were painted a vibrant, almost psychedelic, purple. The massage table was a standard affair, a stainless steel gurney with a steel shelf appendage that had a hole into which the massage recipient was to place his or her face.
My niece left the room, promising to return in two minutes. I had dressed purposefully casual and I was able to disrobe quickly down to my underwear and position myself on the massage table as instructed. My niece returned and began preparations for the massage. She was very solicitous of my comfort, assuring me that she would stop any action that was causing me even a grimace of pain. I’d been warned to empty my bladder before the massage began and was assured that it would need emptying again after the rubdown.
I heard the sounds of lotions squirting, cloths being snapped, stones hitting stones. “So what’s so great about this so-called ‘stone-massage’ as opposed to your more ordinary massage?”
My niece explained that muscles sometimes get “knots” and by placing a heated stone on a knot then gently knocking that stone with another stone, the knots are flattened quickly and comfortably. I considered the concept of muscle knots and the notion that they should be flattened. “See, I’ve found a knot here,” she said, pushing down on a spot on my back. I’d never argue that there were knots in my muscle fiber. There were times that my body felt like it was a veritable freeway of twisted fibers and aching bones. Been like that ever since I turned fifty but maybe it’s just me.
Terry placed a warm stone on my back knot, warning me to tell her if it was too hot. It felt wonderful. She then banged the warm stone with another stone but I don’t know what happened, maybe the knot got flattened. I only know that warm stone on my back was probably the sweetest feeling my body had in the prior three weeks not counting marital pleasures. Well, maybe counting them too.
My nepotistic masseuse proceeded to administer a massage over my entire back, using the lotion to avoid skin friction and slight, expertly applied, pressure to pull and pound those aching muscle fibers. When she began to push down on my lower back I fairly groaned with the pleasure. At first there was a dull pain that responded to her digital ministrations by completely disappearing. For the first time since I could remember, my entire back was pain free.
“Do you ever have any problems with, um, …,” I tried to ask my niece, delicately, about the unspoken reputation of the massage business. “Guys expecting sex?” my no-nonsense niece prodded.
She continued to rub my back and I knew she was formulating her response. “Sometimes,” she finally said. “A lot depends on the location of the massage parlor,” she explained. “As you can see, this is a day spa and we administer many services from hair, nails, massages, foot treatments, we do it all here.”
Which was true enough and was the first thing I noticed. My niece told me that day spas like this one were springing up everywhere. “A day at the spa makes a nice gift,” my niece told me, a gift I certainly was enjoying.
“Sometimes,” she said cautiously, “we can tell if there’s a problem,” my niece continued and through a series of head-pointing and gestures I concluded that the masseuses are trained to note male customers that are very obviously physically aroused. “We don’t make a big deal about it, just leave the room on some pretense. When we come back the problem usually has gone away. If it hasn’t we diplomatically cut the massage short.”
I nodded understanding and was impressed by her professionalism and training. Not to mention the pleasure she was bringing to my tight calf muscles and weary feet with the movement and perfect pressure of her palms.
The entire massage lasted an hour and by my estimate I was pain free for almost 24 hours. Circumstances the weekend following the massage had me sleeping on some sort of Chinese couch that wasn’t unlike nestling down on top of two railway tracks. We won’t go there but the mention comes because the aches and pains returned, gradually, but dull and persistent nonetheless. Whether this was because of the Chinese couch or just how it is, I don’t know.
I’ll do it again and would recommend a massage from a well-trained professional to anyone with stress in their lives. Which would be everyone perhaps and that’s the point.
It does make one heck of a gift.
Tuesday
Election Missive for Kaitlyn's Mommy
08/01/2004
A Missive for Kaitlyn’s Mommy
So sweet Kaitlyn Mae, I must address this missive to your mother for the moment in that 7 month old babies, no matter how cute, are not allowed to vote. Except if they are Democrats who also allow the dead to vote.
It begins with your mother’s smirking revelation to me that she actually voted for Al Gore in the last election even though I personally drove her to the polling place and she told me she was voting for Bush. Let me state right now, Kaitlyn, that I do not believe her for a minute. Methinks she is telling this ha-ha story to entertain your Dad and other persons present with tales of her smashing independence of her mother even in full sight of that same mother. Someday, Kaitlyn, you will also play such a joke on your mother, ha-ha, but do me a favor, call me up before you do it so I may enjoy it as well.
The interesting part of this true/not-true tale is your mother’s sudden seriousness at the frivolity on my behalf. “Of course this time I am going to vote for Bush.” She then stopped and pointed to you, then happily sucking on a bottle and unappreciative that she is voting for Bush on YOUR behalf. “I’ve got a baby now and a future I’m concerned about for her.” All attendees about during your mother’s comments nodded affirmative in complete understanding that of course, with a young child in the picture one should certainly vote for Bush.
Now I do tend to mingle with a conservative type of crowd, Kaitlyn, though I argue it’s through no particular design. Except most of my crowd are members of my family and my family could very well be indicator of political attitudes in some fashion. We have political junkees, who would be me, some airheads who I shall not name, a few who become thoughtful around election time, who would be your mother.
At various times during the past 48 hours your mother had addressed election issues with her own wise mother who taught that child everything she knows, Kaitlyn, and don’t let her tell you not. She was concerned about where she should vote and where was her voter’s identification card. The things typical soccer moms like herself are addressing now as your mother, Kaitlyn, is a decent, law-abiding American. For the most part and we won’t even go into those teenage years may you never do such things to your mother, Kaitlyn. Again, if you do, please call grandmother first that I may watch.
“I’m going to vote for Bush,” your Mom told me as a matter of common sense as opposed to kookdom. “The only thing that worries me is why does everyone on earth hate America so? Obviously Kerry is not going to hack it but I think President Bush may have failed somehow with all this hatred of our country.”
It was, Kaitlyn, a thoughtful question and your Mom likely represents most soccer type mothers across the land. They too, mothers, wives, daughters and sisters, mostly lead peaceful, loving lives and such as hatred is not something the sane normally seek.
In other words, Kaitlyn, it is a very good question/insight.
Which grandmother must answer hopefully, to the satisfaction of your mother, who Kaitlyn, never listened like she should have to her mother but let’s not go there.
Here we all are, including a law-abiding person like your Mom, going about our lives, raising our babies and worrying about the bills, when all of a sudden we look up and see the world gazing down on us with unabashed hatred. For sure women like your mother did nothing to cause that anger so we must assume that our President has perhaps represented us in a bad light during those negotiations with such as the French and Islamic Fanatics, same thing.
Of course, Kaitlyn, grandmother doesn’t know as grandmother wasn’t at these sessions.
Grandmother has been able to put together a clue or two and will present them to your mother forthwith.
The United Nations ‘Food For Oil’ Theft
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was around 1996 or so that the UN came up with this grand idea which grandmother, Kaitlyn, then a soccer Mom herself dealing with your mother but again, we won’t go there. The notion was that the world would ease up on those sanctions for Saddamn in order to allow Iraq to import food and medicine for Saddamn’s people. Now why someone didn’t just put a quick bullet through this guy’s head instead of wasting ten years negotiating with a thug and a thief as if he were worth the time, well I just don’t know. So the UN agreed to monitor the program that Saddamn does not abuse it. It was win-win, or so went the hype, in that Saddamn didn’t gain but the Iraqi people did. My own soccer Mom sensibilities thought it a good idea at the time.
Since then, Kaitlyn, the UN has turned that ‘food for oil’ program into such a convoluted snake pit of corruption and just plain evil that grandmother is stunned. Here my sweet female self was all for this nice idea and here the very institution that claims to represent the planet earth abused their power to such a level that the stench will never leave. As of this writing, Kaitlyn, the UN ‘oil for food’ program hasn’t hit the national radar as it should and I don't know why. My guess is two things: one-the Bush admin plans to overhaul the UN, using the evidence from the post-Iraq invasions to blackmail the thieves out of the hell hole and perhaps change the UN back into the noble concept it was meant to be. OR-two-the plan is to let the newly formed Iraqi government march into the UN, hands on hips, and face down those UN thieves that gave Saddamn money for new palaces while they, the people the money was meant to help, continued to starve and lack medicine. Grandmother supposes it will all sound better coming from the victims.
For Kaitlyn Mae, the UN, including the worthless Kofi Annan and his family, totally raped that loophole in the sanctions against Saddamn, to feed their own greed. Documents are emerging from post war Iraq, from Saddamn’s own files, that entire governments were part of the scam, to include the French, Russians and Germans! Of course these nations didn’t want the USA, already sick and tired of this Saddamn character and really mad after the attack on our citizens, marching into Iraq and taking Saddamn down! He was their best trading buddy! The UN and almost everyone involved with it came out clean and rich while the fooled soccer Moms like myself felt all noble. While during my nobility terrorists financed by some of these very same oil-for-food funds were preparing to murder my countrymen!
Grandmother bets that there are not nations across the planet that hate us. There are, however, quite a few world leaders that would love to avoid all this oil-for-food fuss and at worst-avoid paying any criminal price for it whatsoever, at best-continue to rape and plunder and fool the world via the Democratic party should their village idiot get elected.
So ole Jacques Chirac nurtures and feeds the anti-American sentiment in his country and lopes about the world telling everyone how much he hates Bush because Dubya, Kaitlyn, is going to drop the anvil on these people and Kerry, well Clinton knew about all the deceptions going on in that UN and he did nothing. Why assume Kerry will all of a sudden change the direction of the Democrat party?
The many countries that allegedly hate America, interestingly those same countries with leaders deep in do-do over their Saddamn complicity, do not HATE America, they hate, Bush, grandmother argues. President Bush does stuff, like protect America’s interest and such. The corrupt Presidents of France, et al, do not like that. Though they carefully fan the flames of hatred for Dubya Bush and often float the notion that they will work on a more friendly basis with John Kerry.
They will not, Kaitlyn, because it’s not about Bush OR Kerry. Or America, even. It’s about THEM and what they hope to get away with. Goodness knows they lied to Colin Powell and bounced America around on a string when we were trying to line up their support to get rid of this ONE man, one man Kaitlyn who caused more havoc in the world than was common sense. They had no intentions of supporting America’s ousting of Saddamn, their best buddy who made them rich and kept them in power.
President Bush should be explaining this, Kaitlyn, and not grandmother. If your mother has any reservations about the current President is should be, as puzzles grandmother, his hesitancy to march up to his rightful bully pulpit and lay it on the line. It’s the election year thing I suppose but our country’s security is at stake.
There are no entire nations of people who all hate America, not even in the Muslim world and remember, Kaitlyn, and remind your mother, that you heard it here first. There are whole slew of corrupt leaders that hate Bush, hate, hate, hate Bush, because the President continues on rebuilding Iraq and trying to straighten out that Middle East which has tormented the world for so long.
There source of funds and power will be gone, and all because of Bush.
Tell your mother, Kaitlyn, that her soccer Mom mother was fooled once, tell her not to become another soccer Mom fooled by a bunch of thugs.
A Missive for Kaitlyn’s Mommy
So sweet Kaitlyn Mae, I must address this missive to your mother for the moment in that 7 month old babies, no matter how cute, are not allowed to vote. Except if they are Democrats who also allow the dead to vote.
It begins with your mother’s smirking revelation to me that she actually voted for Al Gore in the last election even though I personally drove her to the polling place and she told me she was voting for Bush. Let me state right now, Kaitlyn, that I do not believe her for a minute. Methinks she is telling this ha-ha story to entertain your Dad and other persons present with tales of her smashing independence of her mother even in full sight of that same mother. Someday, Kaitlyn, you will also play such a joke on your mother, ha-ha, but do me a favor, call me up before you do it so I may enjoy it as well.
The interesting part of this true/not-true tale is your mother’s sudden seriousness at the frivolity on my behalf. “Of course this time I am going to vote for Bush.” She then stopped and pointed to you, then happily sucking on a bottle and unappreciative that she is voting for Bush on YOUR behalf. “I’ve got a baby now and a future I’m concerned about for her.” All attendees about during your mother’s comments nodded affirmative in complete understanding that of course, with a young child in the picture one should certainly vote for Bush.
Now I do tend to mingle with a conservative type of crowd, Kaitlyn, though I argue it’s through no particular design. Except most of my crowd are members of my family and my family could very well be indicator of political attitudes in some fashion. We have political junkees, who would be me, some airheads who I shall not name, a few who become thoughtful around election time, who would be your mother.
At various times during the past 48 hours your mother had addressed election issues with her own wise mother who taught that child everything she knows, Kaitlyn, and don’t let her tell you not. She was concerned about where she should vote and where was her voter’s identification card. The things typical soccer moms like herself are addressing now as your mother, Kaitlyn, is a decent, law-abiding American. For the most part and we won’t even go into those teenage years may you never do such things to your mother, Kaitlyn. Again, if you do, please call grandmother first that I may watch.
“I’m going to vote for Bush,” your Mom told me as a matter of common sense as opposed to kookdom. “The only thing that worries me is why does everyone on earth hate America so? Obviously Kerry is not going to hack it but I think President Bush may have failed somehow with all this hatred of our country.”
It was, Kaitlyn, a thoughtful question and your Mom likely represents most soccer type mothers across the land. They too, mothers, wives, daughters and sisters, mostly lead peaceful, loving lives and such as hatred is not something the sane normally seek.
In other words, Kaitlyn, it is a very good question/insight.
Which grandmother must answer hopefully, to the satisfaction of your mother, who Kaitlyn, never listened like she should have to her mother but let’s not go there.
Here we all are, including a law-abiding person like your Mom, going about our lives, raising our babies and worrying about the bills, when all of a sudden we look up and see the world gazing down on us with unabashed hatred. For sure women like your mother did nothing to cause that anger so we must assume that our President has perhaps represented us in a bad light during those negotiations with such as the French and Islamic Fanatics, same thing.
Of course, Kaitlyn, grandmother doesn’t know as grandmother wasn’t at these sessions.
Grandmother has been able to put together a clue or two and will present them to your mother forthwith.
The United Nations ‘Food For Oil’ Theft
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was around 1996 or so that the UN came up with this grand idea which grandmother, Kaitlyn, then a soccer Mom herself dealing with your mother but again, we won’t go there. The notion was that the world would ease up on those sanctions for Saddamn in order to allow Iraq to import food and medicine for Saddamn’s people. Now why someone didn’t just put a quick bullet through this guy’s head instead of wasting ten years negotiating with a thug and a thief as if he were worth the time, well I just don’t know. So the UN agreed to monitor the program that Saddamn does not abuse it. It was win-win, or so went the hype, in that Saddamn didn’t gain but the Iraqi people did. My own soccer Mom sensibilities thought it a good idea at the time.
Since then, Kaitlyn, the UN has turned that ‘food for oil’ program into such a convoluted snake pit of corruption and just plain evil that grandmother is stunned. Here my sweet female self was all for this nice idea and here the very institution that claims to represent the planet earth abused their power to such a level that the stench will never leave. As of this writing, Kaitlyn, the UN ‘oil for food’ program hasn’t hit the national radar as it should and I don't know why. My guess is two things: one-the Bush admin plans to overhaul the UN, using the evidence from the post-Iraq invasions to blackmail the thieves out of the hell hole and perhaps change the UN back into the noble concept it was meant to be. OR-two-the plan is to let the newly formed Iraqi government march into the UN, hands on hips, and face down those UN thieves that gave Saddamn money for new palaces while they, the people the money was meant to help, continued to starve and lack medicine. Grandmother supposes it will all sound better coming from the victims.
For Kaitlyn Mae, the UN, including the worthless Kofi Annan and his family, totally raped that loophole in the sanctions against Saddamn, to feed their own greed. Documents are emerging from post war Iraq, from Saddamn’s own files, that entire governments were part of the scam, to include the French, Russians and Germans! Of course these nations didn’t want the USA, already sick and tired of this Saddamn character and really mad after the attack on our citizens, marching into Iraq and taking Saddamn down! He was their best trading buddy! The UN and almost everyone involved with it came out clean and rich while the fooled soccer Moms like myself felt all noble. While during my nobility terrorists financed by some of these very same oil-for-food funds were preparing to murder my countrymen!
Grandmother bets that there are not nations across the planet that hate us. There are, however, quite a few world leaders that would love to avoid all this oil-for-food fuss and at worst-avoid paying any criminal price for it whatsoever, at best-continue to rape and plunder and fool the world via the Democratic party should their village idiot get elected.
So ole Jacques Chirac nurtures and feeds the anti-American sentiment in his country and lopes about the world telling everyone how much he hates Bush because Dubya, Kaitlyn, is going to drop the anvil on these people and Kerry, well Clinton knew about all the deceptions going on in that UN and he did nothing. Why assume Kerry will all of a sudden change the direction of the Democrat party?
The many countries that allegedly hate America, interestingly those same countries with leaders deep in do-do over their Saddamn complicity, do not HATE America, they hate, Bush, grandmother argues. President Bush does stuff, like protect America’s interest and such. The corrupt Presidents of France, et al, do not like that. Though they carefully fan the flames of hatred for Dubya Bush and often float the notion that they will work on a more friendly basis with John Kerry.
They will not, Kaitlyn, because it’s not about Bush OR Kerry. Or America, even. It’s about THEM and what they hope to get away with. Goodness knows they lied to Colin Powell and bounced America around on a string when we were trying to line up their support to get rid of this ONE man, one man Kaitlyn who caused more havoc in the world than was common sense. They had no intentions of supporting America’s ousting of Saddamn, their best buddy who made them rich and kept them in power.
President Bush should be explaining this, Kaitlyn, and not grandmother. If your mother has any reservations about the current President is should be, as puzzles grandmother, his hesitancy to march up to his rightful bully pulpit and lay it on the line. It’s the election year thing I suppose but our country’s security is at stake.
There are no entire nations of people who all hate America, not even in the Muslim world and remember, Kaitlyn, and remind your mother, that you heard it here first. There are whole slew of corrupt leaders that hate Bush, hate, hate, hate Bush, because the President continues on rebuilding Iraq and trying to straighten out that Middle East which has tormented the world for so long.
There source of funds and power will be gone, and all because of Bush.
Tell your mother, Kaitlyn, that her soccer Mom mother was fooled once, tell her not to become another soccer Mom fooled by a bunch of thugs.
Friday
Those Whacky Democwats
7/27/2004
Oh Those Wacky Democrats!
I debated myself mentally and very long and hard whether to bother with this missive about the 2004 Democratic convention in this year of our Lord, Kaitlyn Mae. Finally myself won and I decided, hey, thirty years from now when Kaitlyn Mae might read this my details might be funnier and more interesting than the history books of her era. At least this is how grandmother sees it, Kaitlyn.
Today I’d really like to read a homespun missive such as this written during the infamous Dukakis campaign when he got it into his head he’d don a dashing military hard hat, complete with goggles, and pose with his upper torso sticking out of a tank. Add the man’s silly grin and he looked like Bugs Bunny emerging from his rabbit hole after he done stole Elmer Fudd’s hat and decided to wear it himself.
So along that well-intentioned vein, Kaitlyn, let me tell you about John F. Kerry and how he got it into his head to dress up as some sort of white sperm device.
You read that right Kaitlyn because just as soon as grandmother saw Kerry in this sterile white coverall with white hood with an opening just big enough to frame one’s face in an oval, she thought he looked like the sperm awaiting delivery in that Woody Allen movie “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask”. Which was a pretty good book in its day, Kaitlyn, but why they made it into a movie, well I suppose it was a spoof of sorts.
In one part of the movie a whole bunch of sperm cells, you read that right, Kaitlyn, the male reproductive cell and it is the proper term, were awaiting in a tubule of some sort. The “sperm” were human actors dressed in monochromatic white outfits to resemble someone’s concept of what a human dressed as a sperm would look like. One of the little sperm actors in this ostensible tubule and awaiting exit to the unique ecstasy of fertilizing an egg was black and he kept wondering around asking “what am I doing here?” Okay, so maybe you had to be there, Kaitlyn, but dear Lord it’s one of the funniest movie scenes in all of cinema.
So Kerry looks like one of Woody Allen’s concept of a sperm as if the man isn’t, as of this writing, dangerously skirting becoming a national buffoon already.
Kaitlyn, I don’t know where the Democratic party gets its polls because according to them Kerry is tied or leading Bush. A statistic that gives me much pause because hand to God, Kaitlyn, in any setting from racetrack to email, when I ask another American if they are voting for Kerry the first thing they do is snicker. I’m talking all stripes, colors and shapes, here, Kaitlyn, though grandmother knows her own personal poll as described is entirely anecdotal.
This is the second day of the 2004 Democratic convention and so far, well, so far it’s been hilarious. Understanding here Kaitlyn, that grandmother’s perspective is her own and others, not as wise as your mother once removed, might see things differently.
These peoples’ hate for President Bush is simply incomprehensible. I mean, I didn’t especially like William Jefferson Clinton, master of the Oral Office but my dislike of the fool wasn’t as visceral. I think about it all the time, Kaitlyn, and I ponder the lack of reasoning for their hatred.
Okay, let’s agree for the moment that Dubya is a dolt as they envision him, a little short on the gray matter with a shoulder-shirking smirk that at times can annoy. Kaitlyn, he behaves perfectly in public, is always dressed appropriate, arrives and leaves on time, does not abuse silly interns and is generally personable. This is to say that we all have an affable dolt in our lives and while we might give him short shrift we don’t hate him.
How has the man failed in his presidential duties? When the country was attacked he took us to Afghanistan and wiped out the Taliban then running that lawless country, then onto Iraq where our army took down one of the thorns in the world’s side for now over 20 years, Saddam Hussein.
The congress, Kaitlyn, the House and the Senate, agreed to allow the President to wage that war but good Lord you should hear the Democrats now you’d think the ones who voted for the war had been drawn and threatened with quartering should they not vote with Bush. Dubya also went to the UN who had passed a gazillion resolutions about this guy and I could write resolutions all day too. Such as grandmother resolution # 3574: Kaitlyn shall never have a dirty bedroom.
You see, I can do this too, Kaitlyn. And of course you will comply because, well hey, if you don’t comply this time maybe you will the next time and in either case I can always pass another resolution.
Bush did everything our elected congress critters asked him to do, by legislative and lawful means.
They get up and lie like troopers, every one of them, just lie with a smile and wink in their eye.
Their followers are the loonies of this country all gathered under one political party’s umbrella. Now someone has to represent the loonies of the country, Kaitlyn, and if that’s the road the Dems want to go down then let grandmother shut up.
But to base honest political debate on lies and hate, well grandmother doesn’t see this as conducive to a national dialogue at all. An example, the current national debate over legitimizing homosexual marriage. Grandmother thinks that well spoken representatives of the gay community should present their arguments in thoughtful statements. A rebuttal would come from those opposed. Instead, they rant and rave over Bush’s extreme religion and yes even believing in God is some sort of crime if your name is George W. Bush.
We must end now Kaitlyn Mae as it is the second night and the smashing comedy is about to begin anew.
Oh Those Wacky Democrats!
I debated myself mentally and very long and hard whether to bother with this missive about the 2004 Democratic convention in this year of our Lord, Kaitlyn Mae. Finally myself won and I decided, hey, thirty years from now when Kaitlyn Mae might read this my details might be funnier and more interesting than the history books of her era. At least this is how grandmother sees it, Kaitlyn.
Today I’d really like to read a homespun missive such as this written during the infamous Dukakis campaign when he got it into his head he’d don a dashing military hard hat, complete with goggles, and pose with his upper torso sticking out of a tank. Add the man’s silly grin and he looked like Bugs Bunny emerging from his rabbit hole after he done stole Elmer Fudd’s hat and decided to wear it himself.
So along that well-intentioned vein, Kaitlyn, let me tell you about John F. Kerry and how he got it into his head to dress up as some sort of white sperm device.
You read that right Kaitlyn because just as soon as grandmother saw Kerry in this sterile white coverall with white hood with an opening just big enough to frame one’s face in an oval, she thought he looked like the sperm awaiting delivery in that Woody Allen movie “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask”. Which was a pretty good book in its day, Kaitlyn, but why they made it into a movie, well I suppose it was a spoof of sorts.
In one part of the movie a whole bunch of sperm cells, you read that right, Kaitlyn, the male reproductive cell and it is the proper term, were awaiting in a tubule of some sort. The “sperm” were human actors dressed in monochromatic white outfits to resemble someone’s concept of what a human dressed as a sperm would look like. One of the little sperm actors in this ostensible tubule and awaiting exit to the unique ecstasy of fertilizing an egg was black and he kept wondering around asking “what am I doing here?” Okay, so maybe you had to be there, Kaitlyn, but dear Lord it’s one of the funniest movie scenes in all of cinema.
So Kerry looks like one of Woody Allen’s concept of a sperm as if the man isn’t, as of this writing, dangerously skirting becoming a national buffoon already.
Kaitlyn, I don’t know where the Democratic party gets its polls because according to them Kerry is tied or leading Bush. A statistic that gives me much pause because hand to God, Kaitlyn, in any setting from racetrack to email, when I ask another American if they are voting for Kerry the first thing they do is snicker. I’m talking all stripes, colors and shapes, here, Kaitlyn, though grandmother knows her own personal poll as described is entirely anecdotal.
This is the second day of the 2004 Democratic convention and so far, well, so far it’s been hilarious. Understanding here Kaitlyn, that grandmother’s perspective is her own and others, not as wise as your mother once removed, might see things differently.
These peoples’ hate for President Bush is simply incomprehensible. I mean, I didn’t especially like William Jefferson Clinton, master of the Oral Office but my dislike of the fool wasn’t as visceral. I think about it all the time, Kaitlyn, and I ponder the lack of reasoning for their hatred.
Okay, let’s agree for the moment that Dubya is a dolt as they envision him, a little short on the gray matter with a shoulder-shirking smirk that at times can annoy. Kaitlyn, he behaves perfectly in public, is always dressed appropriate, arrives and leaves on time, does not abuse silly interns and is generally personable. This is to say that we all have an affable dolt in our lives and while we might give him short shrift we don’t hate him.
How has the man failed in his presidential duties? When the country was attacked he took us to Afghanistan and wiped out the Taliban then running that lawless country, then onto Iraq where our army took down one of the thorns in the world’s side for now over 20 years, Saddam Hussein.
The congress, Kaitlyn, the House and the Senate, agreed to allow the President to wage that war but good Lord you should hear the Democrats now you’d think the ones who voted for the war had been drawn and threatened with quartering should they not vote with Bush. Dubya also went to the UN who had passed a gazillion resolutions about this guy and I could write resolutions all day too. Such as grandmother resolution # 3574: Kaitlyn shall never have a dirty bedroom.
You see, I can do this too, Kaitlyn. And of course you will comply because, well hey, if you don’t comply this time maybe you will the next time and in either case I can always pass another resolution.
Bush did everything our elected congress critters asked him to do, by legislative and lawful means.
They get up and lie like troopers, every one of them, just lie with a smile and wink in their eye.
Their followers are the loonies of this country all gathered under one political party’s umbrella. Now someone has to represent the loonies of the country, Kaitlyn, and if that’s the road the Dems want to go down then let grandmother shut up.
But to base honest political debate on lies and hate, well grandmother doesn’t see this as conducive to a national dialogue at all. An example, the current national debate over legitimizing homosexual marriage. Grandmother thinks that well spoken representatives of the gay community should present their arguments in thoughtful statements. A rebuttal would come from those opposed. Instead, they rant and rave over Bush’s extreme religion and yes even believing in God is some sort of crime if your name is George W. Bush.
We must end now Kaitlyn Mae as it is the second night and the smashing comedy is about to begin anew.
Monday
The 9/11 Commission Report
7/22/2004
The 9/11 Commission Report-a Holy Day
Sweet Kaitlyn Mae, in the day and era that you may read this, I beg of you to run, do not walk, from any suggestion by the congress of your day that they form a commission and study the problem.
Yes grandmother knows that such things as a 9/11 commission will likely be extremely boring to a happening Kaitlyn all dressed to go on her first date. So I’ll try to keep it interesting by making fun of everything in the process.
Beginning with, Kaitlyn, an explanation that any legislative decision to form a committee to “study” the problem means “get face time on the media oohing and aahing over the issue whatever it may be”.
I liken the 9/11 commission report to the time I had a blowout driving home from Florida. What happened, my brother and I were driving my father’s van home from his Florida home back to Maryland. He had passed away a week prior and the trip was made for us to clean up his belongings and drive that van home. We had no choice but to get in the van and drive it home as it was.
Boom, the tire blew around Virginia somewhere. My brother, who was driving at the time, kept calm and pulled the old van to the side of the road. We had a spare, thank God, and effectively changed the thing on I-95.
After, my father’s other heirs formed themselves a “commission” and one of their charges was to review the flat tire issue.
“You should have checked the tire before you left,” one heir said.
“You probably would have been better off leaving it there and selling it in Florida,” another opined.
“Is that flat tire the reason for this long-distance phone call charged to the estate?” another wise one offered.
Here’s what happened. On our limited time off from our jobs, my brother and I flew down to Florida, cleaned out our father’s trailer, got in the van and drove home. The tire blew. We handled it. Just like we handled everything else and did a good enough job to please the state of Florida.
There’s something very arrogant about a Greek chorus pointing fingers and placing blame. All with the benefit of hindsight and may I add, total non-participation in the events as they occurred.
So okay, we really do become better people when we peer closely at our past mistakes, ascertain how we could have done it better, make the changes necessary and move on.
This 9/11 commission report was the most unnecessary, politicized national drama coming down the Pike. Beginning with the so-called “Jersey Girls”, survivors of victims of the 9/11 attacks and the politically correct impetus for forming the commission. Once upon a time American hearts across the country bled pure hurt for these women but by the time the Democrats convinced them to lobby for the formation of a commission to study the attacks and, assumedly, prevent future ones, the country grew tired of them.
Kaitlyn, if I see any of these perpetual victim media hogs I’m thinking I might fly a snoopy plane into their homes that they get lost. Remember this grandmother lesson, Kaitlyn, everyone has a limit of time to gain sympathy and sorrow from their fellow man. And while the liberals would like to stretch this time span to forever, it’s that old bugaboo about making a living, providing food, living a life that, gets in the way.
So the commission is formed so okay, okay. Maybe something good will come of it.
And maybe something did, Kaitlyn Mae, though I am now an early critiquer of their report (I write this on the day of the report’s release) and for this day, all sides are patting backs and commenting on a job well done.
As usual Kaitlyn Mae, grandmother is ahead of the curve. None of the wholesome spin convinces me of anything.
Beginning with the partisan fact that, to the hoots of joy of everyone, neither President Clinton of President Bush, gets the blame for the attacks.
I mean, sweet Kaitlyn Mae, they beat the hell out of President Bush who was only president for 8 months at the time of the attacks. While the commission spread every lie fomented by the Clinton camp, no problem. Including, Kaitlyn Mae, the revelation this week that Sandy Berger, national security adviser for Bill Clinton, was found stuffing top secret documents in his socks.
President Bush attended his meeting accompanied by VP Dick Cheney and his White House attorney. The Democrats spread the word that Clinton attended by himself. The idea being to impress the American public with Bill Clinton’s swagger, going it alone while Bush needed help.
When, Kaitlyn, Clinton attended the meetings with his own lawyer, Bruce Lindsay and aforementioned security advisor, Sandy Berger. We assume Sandy Berger brought a proper brief case with him instead of his specially made socks backpack. No one on the commission denied the public lie that Clinton went by himself so the public was left with the impression that Bush was such a dope he needed his VP.
This is how these blue ribbon commission things get twisted and abused.
Here’s the facts the whole commission report overlooks: Bush was President and on 9/11, one plane attack was foiled due to the bravery of American citizens, the other three planes hit their targets as planned. Through all of the bureaucracy and however frantic it all was when it came down, all the planes in the air were immediately brought down, there were no frenzied and thoughtless firing down of any other civilian airplanes. The citizenry of the country were mostly calm and law-abiding. There were no lawless riots and business continued very orderly across the land.
We survived that day fairly unscathed when one considers what such an attack would have done to any other country.
After the attacks, our economy wobbled but recovered in an amazingly quick fashion. The President appointed a Director of Homeland Security. Our army took out the anarchic country of Afghanistan, the justice department immediately stemmed the flow of terrorist money across the planet, our army took down despot Saddam Hussein, whom grandmother believes, Kaitlyn, despite how the liberals don’t want it to be true, was very much a part of the September 11th attacks, even if only as financial provider or making Iraq a place of safe harbor for terrorists.
Our government survived, the economy is now prospering and Americans are, as even the 9/11 commission states, “safer”.
Which is not to say, Kaitlyn, that we are completely “safe” and we understand this out here in la-la land, that life is never completely safe.
Yet across this country, Kaitlyn, every day the local people are keeping a close eye on things. Through the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, the localities are being trained and they are doing a bang up job of it. Today a Turkish ship was escorted back out of the port of Philadelphia out into the Atlantic Ocean when a report of a bomb on board was received.
The bureaucracies are moving and things are getting done. It’s all happening under the direction and leadership of a no-nonsense down-to-business administration.
There have been NO other terrorist attacks since 9/11. Since one hesitates to risk tempting fate, it’s not a fact we are comfortable mentioning. Yet it’s a fact and by the 9/11 commission report of my disdain, there HAVE been massive terrorist attacks thwarted since 9/11.
Somebody’s doing something right.
The 9/11 commission submitted a list of suggestions that they thing should be implemented as a result of their study.
Yeah, right. “Overhaul the bureaucracy,” is the basic gist of their suggestions, give me a break. Any idiot can say that; easier said than done.
One of the grandstanders on that commission today made the threat that “if there is another terrorist attack and these suggestions are not implemented, the people will hold their political representatives responsible”.
Well talk about trying to prove a negative. That little threat was only a way for the grandstanding commission to keep themselves relevant.
Again, Kaitlyn, run, do not walk, when your legislators want to “study” a problem.
Just have them call grandmother.
The 9/11 Commission Report-a Holy Day
Sweet Kaitlyn Mae, in the day and era that you may read this, I beg of you to run, do not walk, from any suggestion by the congress of your day that they form a commission and study the problem.
Yes grandmother knows that such things as a 9/11 commission will likely be extremely boring to a happening Kaitlyn all dressed to go on her first date. So I’ll try to keep it interesting by making fun of everything in the process.
Beginning with, Kaitlyn, an explanation that any legislative decision to form a committee to “study” the problem means “get face time on the media oohing and aahing over the issue whatever it may be”.
I liken the 9/11 commission report to the time I had a blowout driving home from Florida. What happened, my brother and I were driving my father’s van home from his Florida home back to Maryland. He had passed away a week prior and the trip was made for us to clean up his belongings and drive that van home. We had no choice but to get in the van and drive it home as it was.
Boom, the tire blew around Virginia somewhere. My brother, who was driving at the time, kept calm and pulled the old van to the side of the road. We had a spare, thank God, and effectively changed the thing on I-95.
After, my father’s other heirs formed themselves a “commission” and one of their charges was to review the flat tire issue.
“You should have checked the tire before you left,” one heir said.
“You probably would have been better off leaving it there and selling it in Florida,” another opined.
“Is that flat tire the reason for this long-distance phone call charged to the estate?” another wise one offered.
Here’s what happened. On our limited time off from our jobs, my brother and I flew down to Florida, cleaned out our father’s trailer, got in the van and drove home. The tire blew. We handled it. Just like we handled everything else and did a good enough job to please the state of Florida.
There’s something very arrogant about a Greek chorus pointing fingers and placing blame. All with the benefit of hindsight and may I add, total non-participation in the events as they occurred.
So okay, we really do become better people when we peer closely at our past mistakes, ascertain how we could have done it better, make the changes necessary and move on.
This 9/11 commission report was the most unnecessary, politicized national drama coming down the Pike. Beginning with the so-called “Jersey Girls”, survivors of victims of the 9/11 attacks and the politically correct impetus for forming the commission. Once upon a time American hearts across the country bled pure hurt for these women but by the time the Democrats convinced them to lobby for the formation of a commission to study the attacks and, assumedly, prevent future ones, the country grew tired of them.
Kaitlyn, if I see any of these perpetual victim media hogs I’m thinking I might fly a snoopy plane into their homes that they get lost. Remember this grandmother lesson, Kaitlyn, everyone has a limit of time to gain sympathy and sorrow from their fellow man. And while the liberals would like to stretch this time span to forever, it’s that old bugaboo about making a living, providing food, living a life that, gets in the way.
So the commission is formed so okay, okay. Maybe something good will come of it.
And maybe something did, Kaitlyn Mae, though I am now an early critiquer of their report (I write this on the day of the report’s release) and for this day, all sides are patting backs and commenting on a job well done.
As usual Kaitlyn Mae, grandmother is ahead of the curve. None of the wholesome spin convinces me of anything.
Beginning with the partisan fact that, to the hoots of joy of everyone, neither President Clinton of President Bush, gets the blame for the attacks.
I mean, sweet Kaitlyn Mae, they beat the hell out of President Bush who was only president for 8 months at the time of the attacks. While the commission spread every lie fomented by the Clinton camp, no problem. Including, Kaitlyn Mae, the revelation this week that Sandy Berger, national security adviser for Bill Clinton, was found stuffing top secret documents in his socks.
President Bush attended his meeting accompanied by VP Dick Cheney and his White House attorney. The Democrats spread the word that Clinton attended by himself. The idea being to impress the American public with Bill Clinton’s swagger, going it alone while Bush needed help.
When, Kaitlyn, Clinton attended the meetings with his own lawyer, Bruce Lindsay and aforementioned security advisor, Sandy Berger. We assume Sandy Berger brought a proper brief case with him instead of his specially made socks backpack. No one on the commission denied the public lie that Clinton went by himself so the public was left with the impression that Bush was such a dope he needed his VP.
This is how these blue ribbon commission things get twisted and abused.
Here’s the facts the whole commission report overlooks: Bush was President and on 9/11, one plane attack was foiled due to the bravery of American citizens, the other three planes hit their targets as planned. Through all of the bureaucracy and however frantic it all was when it came down, all the planes in the air were immediately brought down, there were no frenzied and thoughtless firing down of any other civilian airplanes. The citizenry of the country were mostly calm and law-abiding. There were no lawless riots and business continued very orderly across the land.
We survived that day fairly unscathed when one considers what such an attack would have done to any other country.
After the attacks, our economy wobbled but recovered in an amazingly quick fashion. The President appointed a Director of Homeland Security. Our army took out the anarchic country of Afghanistan, the justice department immediately stemmed the flow of terrorist money across the planet, our army took down despot Saddam Hussein, whom grandmother believes, Kaitlyn, despite how the liberals don’t want it to be true, was very much a part of the September 11th attacks, even if only as financial provider or making Iraq a place of safe harbor for terrorists.
Our government survived, the economy is now prospering and Americans are, as even the 9/11 commission states, “safer”.
Which is not to say, Kaitlyn, that we are completely “safe” and we understand this out here in la-la land, that life is never completely safe.
Yet across this country, Kaitlyn, every day the local people are keeping a close eye on things. Through the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, the localities are being trained and they are doing a bang up job of it. Today a Turkish ship was escorted back out of the port of Philadelphia out into the Atlantic Ocean when a report of a bomb on board was received.
The bureaucracies are moving and things are getting done. It’s all happening under the direction and leadership of a no-nonsense down-to-business administration.
There have been NO other terrorist attacks since 9/11. Since one hesitates to risk tempting fate, it’s not a fact we are comfortable mentioning. Yet it’s a fact and by the 9/11 commission report of my disdain, there HAVE been massive terrorist attacks thwarted since 9/11.
Somebody’s doing something right.
The 9/11 commission submitted a list of suggestions that they thing should be implemented as a result of their study.
Yeah, right. “Overhaul the bureaucracy,” is the basic gist of their suggestions, give me a break. Any idiot can say that; easier said than done.
One of the grandstanders on that commission today made the threat that “if there is another terrorist attack and these suggestions are not implemented, the people will hold their political representatives responsible”.
Well talk about trying to prove a negative. That little threat was only a way for the grandstanding commission to keep themselves relevant.
Again, Kaitlyn, run, do not walk, when your legislators want to “study” a problem.
Just have them call grandmother.
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